Who needs a hug? 🤗 ME

I don't know. I just felt that I need a hug to calm me, to get myself back, to wake up and go on with my every day, positively. The past weeks have been so stressful and tiring. I don’t know the problem and why I feel this way. I just feel something is wrong. I feel that vibe that "I want to be happy, where I can be happy? What can make me happy?".

We ended up eating a lot. With all the burgers, fries, ice cream, Starbucks and milk tea, but it seems not to be enough. That there is still something missing in it.

And its different when you are alone. The emptiness and loneliness is more felt. You are alone in your room. You don't have anyone to talk to. And you don't know if anyone is really caring for you.

I just need a hug. The one that is long and warm. I just want to feel that I am loved. To feel that somebody is comforting and caring for me. And that everything will be okay. 😔

xoxo

Jayz

Gusto

May gusto akong sabihin,
isang bagay na hindi ko maamin.
Tila yata may kakaiba sa ihip ng hangin.
May kaba akong nadarama,
pintig ng puso ko'y may ibang kinakanta.

Bakit ganito?
Tila humihinto ang paligid ko.
Parang eksena sa pelikula kapag nagkatinginan na.
Paano ba ito?
Nahuhulog na ata ako.

Gusto kong tumakbo at kalimutan ang nararamdamang ito.
Gusto kong umiwas ng hindi tuluyang mahulog.
Gusto kong magpakalayo layo.
Gusto kong magtago at tuluyan ng sumuko.

Dahil sa dulo, alam kong masasaktan lang ako.
Dahil hanggang tingin lang kita sa malayo.
Isang tagahanga na may lihim na pagtingin.
At alam kong hindi mo ako mapapansin.

Gusto kita..
Gusto kita ngunit wag nalang muna..
Cguro, sa susunod na pagkakataon nalang
pag kaya ko ng maging matapang.

09.05.19

Moon Love 🌜

Moon Love 🌚

Painted  this 08/02/19

She held the moon  the way

she held her own heart,

as if it was the only light

that could guide her through the darkest nights.

- Chrissie Pinney

Jeepney Love Story

Let me share my unforgettable Jeepney Love Story...

(which happened a week ago) Hahaha! 😂

Background of the story:

I have crush at work for years now and he is my happy pill. Nothing really serious, just someone I see from a far and get "kilig" in his presence. He is someone I always see in the hallway, in the pantry or the guy I almost bumped into. Like, I always see him from the big crowd. Yes, I know him by name. I have my sources. Hahaha! 😂 #StalkingSkills 

But if he knew me, that, I am not sure. Recently, something happened over Linkedin. Months ago, I viewed his profile. When I checked it back, he viewed mine as well. With Linkedin, the name of the person who viewed you appears, so, what will I do? Hahaha. He might probably knew me now and would probably think I am stalking him. (I am) 😜

❤❤❤

So, the jeepney story happened one night. I was on my way to work, and I am running late, it was almost 10pm. I was the first to seat and I sat near the jeepney door. Then, about 3 to 4 passengers to go, I saw him at the door. He looked at me. I was shocked and I really hope it didn't appear in my face that moment. So, he entered and sat beside me. Yes, beside me, OMG!! And I remember it right, there was no available space beside me but he made a way to have a little space so he can sit. I really don't know what to do. Few seconds later, he gave his fare, then I remember, how would I gave my fare to the driver. There was no other way but for him to get mine. I was so hesitant, but I don't have a choice. So, I modulate my voice, act normal and gave my fare. Hahaha! I really feel awkward that time. So, he went to get my fare. 😊 I can't even remember if I said thank you (I think, I did). We were so close. His elbows are already touching mine's. As in. My heart is exploding! ❤ Hahaha. So, when we got off the jeep, I went out first, and tried to act and walk normal. I really don't know what to do. Waaaaaah!! But my normal walk is really fast and he was few meters behind me. Then he went to 7-11 that is the only time I got to finally relax. Woooo!!

What was on my mind:

Did it really happen? Why would he sit beside me, on the first place, there was no enough space in there. Did he knew me? Did he recognize me as that girl in Linkedin who stalked him, I mean viewed him? Waaaah.. I really don't know the answers. I don't want to make any move or do anything crazy. But I am definitely kilig in his presence. Yeah.. I want to know him personally and be friends with him. I hope the next time I bumped into him, he would smile and for sure, I will smile back. But this is all I can do from now... To be kilig from a far.

So, here is Yeng Constantino with Jeepney Love Story

https://youtu.be/L5MeBNrst5s

Much Love,

Jazel ❤

Q&A

With the recently concluded Binibining Pilipinas where new queens have been crowned, let us make a little Q&A. So, I have crossed this question in Facebook and find it a little witty, so let's try and answer the question below... 

Credits to: Boiling Water FB page.

"Kung bibigyan ka ng chance na sabihin sa crush mo na nagseselos ka every time na nakikita mo siyang may kasamang iba.. Anong karapatan mo?" 

My Answer:

Wala. Wala akong karapatan, pero hindi ko pwedeng i-deny na ako'y nasasaktan. And I will not blame myself or anybody for feeling this way. It's my choice to feel this, because I choose to like him without any conditions, and that includes, him not liking me back. Wala rin akong sasabihin sakanya. I don't want him or anybody pity me for not being loved back. Martry as it may sound, we love without expecting anything in return. And I thank you.

How Was My 2018?

I know, it's been a while since the last time I write and as much as I want to, I've been very busy with a lot of things, and sleeping is one of them. So let me talk about how my 2018 had been.

January - I had a quick escape from the busy city, to be able to think and breath. A week after, I finally end up my 7 years relationship. It was hard, its sad, but it feels like more of a relief. I was able to finally let go of what was preventing me to be genuinely happy.

February - Fiesta! It's my first time to invite friends over. It was something I am not into, but I am happy to get out of my shell and try new things. On the other hand, Valentines Day came normal. Hahaha! Wear yellow for moving on.

March - I went Visita Iglesia alone. Yes. I managed to travel from one church to another (in which, my first time to visit most of the churches). And I went to my Holy Week routine without him, and I am definitely fine. I saw him there but tried to ignore that he was there. It's also my first time to help arranged the Easter fountain, and its beautiful. And this is one of the most unforgettable Easter Vigil mass I had witnessed and attended. Donna cried! Hahaha! And we had a quick Mcdo meal to lighten things up.

April - New department, new position, new schedule, new job. I am now a nocturnal! Hello to my Global Payroll Team! 💜 Finally, I am part of the payroll team. I also went into a pilgrimage with Kitty with her church mates around churches in Batangas. It's my first time, and I enjoyed it so much! Hopefully, I can join again next time.

May - It's the first time I welcomed my birthday in the office. In the past 7 years, I would escape from work, and have the day for myself, my family or with him. This time, I'm alone. It felt unusual and weird at the same time to welcome and end the day working.

June - We had prepared the first bridal shower of Chicks. It was a stay cation in Tagaytay. It rained hard and we went through a lot just to be in Tagaytay. Good thing, our surprised bridal shower for Kitty was a success! And eating bulalo was an added joy to this trip.

July - Kitty got married! And of course, the three of us (still missing Peanut) are there to witness the special event. It was one special day for my best friend and we are truly happy that she had met and waited the right guy for her. And on the side note, they keep teasing me to my partner. 

August - After how many years we finally visit Camiguin. We celebrated lolo's 98th birthday and tour around the island. It is also my first time to meet her, and somehow, I feel better? I think. 3 days is not enough. I've missed the province. A lot seems to be different but it still feels home.

September - A quick tour around Intramuros with the Global Payroll Team.

October - We went through something in the family and I am blessed to visit and touch the heart relic of Padre Pio in Manila Cathedral. I was there on the first day and a lot of devotees came to line up just to see the relic. I never expect myself in that big crowd. All I wanted was to see him, but I was able to touch and talked to Padre Pio. I feel really blessed that day. The same month, we also had a retreat at MLC and it was something very peaceful and heartfelt. I was able to let my heart out and share my problem through confession.

November - Nothing I can remember so significant. I think, I was just busy at work with the transition we have in the new payroll system.

December - Hello Baguio! The payroll team went to Baguio for the weekend. We are able to tour around, visit Ben Cab Museum and saw Ben Cabrera in person. It was my first time in Baguio, and I really enjoyed this weekend trip. And since I now work at night, I have managed going to Simbang Gabi in Makati just to complete the 9 days novena. I've been working during Christmas, and that week was intense because we are busy transitioning at work.

My 2018 overall is a new beginning for me. I am getting myself back. To try new things. Do the things I want to do, go to places I miss going and to new places I've never been. I have met new people as well. But I know, I shouldn't be pressured. I still need time to think and be happy on my own. 

So, that was it. I know that this post is long overdue. This has been in my drafts for a while. I wanted to write more and express myself more and before I do that, I think I just need to finish this post first.

Until my next post. Chao!