5 Taon Ang Nakaraan

About a month ago, I wrote something that I wasn't able to finish. I wanted to write a poem for Wapo since its been a while since the last time I write, and of course, my "supposed to be" present for him on our 5th year anniversary.

There were a lot of things in my head as I compose everything on my mind on my way to work, but I wasn't able to write them. Then at night, I would sit and start writing but nothing is going on my mind. The next day, a grab a piece of paper while I'm working and write anything that goes on my mind. And for a "I don't know why" reason, I wrote something in tagalog. So.. here is it.. I finished this last Dec. 26, since I started it a month ago.

5 Taon Ang Nakaraan

Hindi ko alam paano sisimulan,

ang dami kong gustong sabihin 

ngunit hindi malaman

paano uumpisahan.

5 taon ang nakaraan,

ako'y may sariling mundo

kasama ang papel at lapis na ito

sumusulat ng kahit anong

sinasabi ng puso't isip ko.

Sa aking maliit na kwaderno

sinusulat ko, mga bagay na

magpapasaya sa tahimik kong mundo.

Isa doon ay ang pangarap na sana'y

makatagpo ng kasamang bubuo ng sarili ko.

Hindi batid kung magkakatotoo ba

sa bawat letra ay may pusong umaasa,

na isang araw, darating siya't

hindi na ako mag-iisa.

Sa hindi inaasahan ay dumating ka

sa bawat araw ay unti unti mo kong pinapasaya.

Humihirit ng mga tanong kung "Pwede ba?"

"Pwede ka bang mas makilala pa?"

Lumipas ang mga araw, linggo at buwan

Hindi maiiwasan na takot ay aking maramdaman.

Ngunit paano ako sasaya,

kung hindi ko susubukan, di ba?

Ngayon ay 5 taon na ang nakaraan,

"OO" ay aking nasambitan,

kasama ang aking na dasal na

ang puso ko'y iyong pag-ingatan.

12.26.15

Misa de Gallo 2015

Misa de Gallo is the start of the Christmas season in the Philippines. I personally feel the Christmas spirit as it starts. This was a Filipino tradition that my mom had instilled in me at a very young age. There will be nine dawn masses before Christmas. It is a novena, or a form of prayer service offered for nine consecutive days. And as what our lolo's and lola's said, if you will complete the nine days novena, the prayer or wish that you will ask from Jesus will be granted. And as for my experience, yes.. my wishes really did come true. This is the power of faith and prayer.

So, I'll be taking you to my nine days journey of prayer, faith, realization, experiences and discoveries.

>> December 16 (Wednesday)

Day 1: (night of December 15) There was continuous rain all over the metro, and as usual traffic and flood is causing headaches to the people. It was already 11pm when I felt really hopeless that there was no really a way for me to get home. So, I finally called Papa and asked what to do. And because there was no other way, Papa asked Kuya (who was already sleeping) to fetch me to Makati. He got me up at around 1:30am at the fast food were I stayed. That was the longest motorcyle ride I ever had, and it was still raining. We arrived at home at around 2:30am. We passed by the church, and they are already preparing. I decided to just wait for the mass at 4am. So, been busy with facebook and twitter until before the mass. I'm with Mama, and Wapo is absent due to tiredness. We are inside, and near us was Kuya Hayden and Hershey (my friends from church). I felt the difference of the mass, maybe not as lively as what we used to have. Okaaay.. 1st day went well.

>> December 17 (Thursday)

Day 2: We were almost late. I wasn't able to hear my alarm and my body was too tired to get up. But, no matter what, I will go to mass. Wapo was early and he scolded me for being a little late. I was surprised that he wore the green polo I gave him for his birthday last year. Hahaha. Kasya na kasi sa kanya. Surprisingly, I was also in a green polo. His was in dark green, and mine was in mint green. We went for breakfast at home after mass. :)

>> December 18 (Friday)

Day 3: Because we had our Office Christmas dinner last night, I got home at around 12 or 1am. Ohh traffic! I hitch with our company's van which is going to Angeles, and I can't believe the traffic at that hour. I don't know if I will still sleep or just wait for 4am for the mass. I was browsing the net, there and there and just had an hour of sleep. Ohh.. again, we were almost late. My big man was already waiting for me.

The mass is presided by Fr. Ox, our former parish priest. He is loved by the people and I can't forget how he delivered his sermon in a very light, direct,witty yet very understandable manner. And today, as what he usually does, he ended his sermon with a Christmas song he sang, "Sana ngayong Pasko" and left everyone teary eyed. Miss having masses like these lately -very heartfelt.

And like what we used to, we had breakfast at home.

>> December 19 (Saturday)

Day 4: Oh, and finally its Saturday. Though I only had few hours of sleep, still manage to get up and went to mass. I really don't know whats wrong with my alarm clock that I can't hear it. As usual, a little late but not really.

The mass is presided by Fr. Jun Matas, a guest priest. His sermon is packed with all the hugot and pick up lines very timely for Christmas and the messages of it was emphasized on his homily. About family, sharing and giving. Everyone was laughing but I guess, he was able to impart the message he wants us to take.

Wapo is asleep, and we went home at once because I need to catch up some sleep before heading to Taytay for Mae's wedding day.

>> December 20 (Sunday)

Day 5: I was still in bliss for last night wedding of Mae. Just enough sleep for today. Wapo was already texting me, and I was just again in time for the mass. And he is scolding me again for getting late. Hahaha. Nothing to comment about the mass. I just miss the previous Misa de Gallo we had here, the number of people attending, that ambiance and spirit.

After mass, there was this little confrontation from the senior knights to the present group. I decided to seat away from them and not to involve myself. Wapo is part of the senior group of knights and good thing Wapo was just there listening to them. I don't want him to get involve as well. Ok, time to go home. :)

>> December 21 (Monday)

Day 6: Good Morning! I set my alarm at 2:45am but for the nth time, I didn't hear it ring. I woke up at around 3:10am. I hurriedly fix myself, text Kuya Allan if he is already at BLP and walked fast to church. I will be the lector for today's mass and just arrived right in time for me to review the reading and get myself ready. Wooh!!

We started the mass inside the church, and not outside as there are only few people there. The mass was presided by a guest priest, Fr. Mon Bernabe. Two years ago, we were also in the same mass (Dec.21) and as always he was able to explain the message of today's Gospel. Very simple yet understandable.

In my 5 years as SMW, I'm in my 4 years serving for Misa de Gallo, its the 3rd time that I will be reading the same verses for today from the song of Solomon. Its very poetic, deep and heartfelt that I almost memorize this already. :) Connection of this please? "Halika na aking mahal, at sa akin ay sumama ka."

Again, went home to have breakfast with my big man.

>> December 22 (Tuesday)

Day 7: Just the same, still almost late and Wapo would comment on it. The mass went on normally, Fr. Celoi presiding it. Today was about Magnificat as what I remember it right? Mama Mary's song of praise.

Catch up some sleep after breakfast because I will meet my friends in High School for lunch.

>> December 23 (Wednesday)

Day 8: Today is Kuya's birthday. And I am late for mass. Actually, just in time for mass but not for the parol offering. Wapo wants me to go early for the offering of parol with him. They have two parols and he wants me (as well as her titas) to carry one for them, and so, it ended that he got the two parols with him to offer. I still went to stay were the group was (with his friends - the senior knights). Good thing there was Justine that I can talk with. After communion, Wapo was already with us, scolding me for being late and not being with him. Hahaha.. :D 

>> December 24 (Thursday)

Day 9: Last day of Misa de Gallo, and I am way too early today. I called Wapo and he is already getting ready. Then I received a text message from him saying.."Bilisan mo bebe chubs, happy monthsary". Oh yes, today is 24, I forgot. My mind is occupied that today is only Christmas Eve, and thats it. I forgot that its our monthsary as well.

When I came to the church, he was hiding something from behind. Its a paper bag, probably his gift for me? Ok. :) I was surprised, he rarely does that. We wore the same shirt that day. My Christmas gift to him, actually. Since the beginning, I was fond of matchy things between us. Shirts, pins, watch, etc etc.

So we look cute. Hahaha. Lakas maka-coke ng outfit namin.

Because I was early, I saw that there was only 1 lector, and in a few minutes, the parol offering is about to start. So, I went in to check. Good thing my polo has a white collar and I'm wearing shoes today. I borrowed the sutana at the sacristy and got ready. Though I'm not prepared for this, I come in and stand as the commentator. I started the parol offering and prayer. Good thing, Kuya Allan came to rescue after. Then, he started the mass proper. I dressed back again and went back were Wapo was.

After mass, we had breakfast with the gang. Hahaha. I mean, the friends. Tapsi time and a few kwentuhan.

At 9pm, me and Mama attended the salubong. There were a lot of people already 30 mins before the mass started. A lot were standing and were irritated because of the hotness due to the number of people. Nothing really remarkable about what happened during the mass. Sad to say.

** And my novena prayer / wish - I will keep it to myself first. Hopefully, I can get the answers by next year :)

And thats it, this is how my Misa de Gallo this year went through. I little bit different when it comes to the "feeling" I have felt few years back. I am sorry to say that. I lot of things have change from how the church look like, that "energy" from the mass goers, the solemnity of the mass, the church activities / creativity - it was different. A lot has changed. I can feel the "pananamlay" and it is very sad.

I wish and pray that the "energy" will come back. So that everyone can feel "Christmas" and that it will radiate happiness to everyone who was attending the mass. That Christmas is about Jesus, about being together with the family, about happiness, forgiveness and renewal. That we should share love and thank God for giving us Jesus, our savior.

So, from my family to yours, Merry Christmas!!!

Dream Love

Dream Love

I am caught in a dream

that keep repeating in my mind

a love story,

that can bloom anytime.

It wasn't like Romeo or Juliet,

Snow White or Cinderella

because this is my own story

of how love find me.

He came from no where

and just came out of the blue.

He occupy both my heart and mind

and keep repeating this is true.

With him, I see life beautifully,

full of joy and love for me.

He even taught me what real happiness is

and define what my existence means.

I never thought that love like this can be true

when you will find someone who will complete you.

No more questions asked, 

no if's , no but's

This is how I see life, from my dream love.

I don't wanna wake up with this dream

and stop the happiness I'm feeling.

Seeing myself alone again,

is the worst thing I don't want to happen.

I don't know what this I'm feeling

and as of now, I don't care about anything.

When one day, I'll wake up to see reality,

I wanna go back to this dream repeatedly.

If only I could pick him up from this dream,

and embrace love no matter what it seems.

And if only I could close my eyes

and keep dreaming forever

because seeing reality without him

is the saddest thing ever.

written: 05/10/2010

jazel.booc

Happy 5 Years!! :)

Before, 5 years is already a big number for me. I can't believe that I will be writing about it now. Though I've been posting pictures of us as a couple, and I've been very expressive on my messages and greetings to him in social media, I rarely talk about "US". Of what have 5 years has done to both us.

To be honest, it feels not like 5 years, maybe just a year or 2. Maybe because, there are still a lot of things we need to wait, to finally set our minds where we are going to.

We had gone through a lot this year. Really, a roller coaster road of emotions. Through all the laughs and cries, bad and good times. It came to a point where in I just want to give up understanding. I felt so tired to take in everything and see myself miserable and unhappy. It is not that he is hurting me, its actually the "situation". Though he don't mean to do it, nor don't mean it to happen, it just hurts the same. (Maybe in time, I'll be able to talk about it in details, soon.)

Also, he is not the typical romantic and expressive boyfriend, and I knew that since the first day. He is not the type of guy who would text you how have you been or the like. He has his ways of showing his affections in a different way. Really mysterious until now I must say.

Moving forward on our 5th year, we had spent it on the simplest way I see it. We haven't actually talk about it, nor plan anything on how we will spend the day, because I have work, and he has a game. We just had our breakfast in the very famous fastfood and ate tapsilog. It was quick but I guess, I was already okay with that. Good thing, we rarely spend breakfast together and spend mornings together (only during the Misa de Gallo). There, I gave him this simple card I made the night before. Something funny was inside. I made an origami of a "kissing lips" where "mwuah mwuah tsup tsup" is labeled around. I want him to laugh by the time he will open it, then as always a heartfelt letter at the back of it.

And ohh.. I had a pimple that day. Hahaha!! :D

After eating he headed me to the bus stop and he kiss goodbye. When I was already in the MRT, I saw a message from him saying..

"Happy Anniversary Chubs. I love you".

and with the simple text, it still blew me away. Yes. actually, he rarely does that and receiving that from him, must really something.

We both go with our day, and it was pretty fine. They won in their basketball game. A lucky day for him I guess. I was hoping if we can still have dinner but I have things to finished at work and its a little late when I got home. But he still went to our house to get the lansones package I have from him that was from our province. It was a little late but we had few talks outside our house of how our day had been and that's it -- very simple, yet I can say that I am happy. Its really not on material things anymore, as long as your contented, it will makes you happy.

5 years is a big achievement, and having spent it on my first boyfriend is an added thing. I am not pressured or anything. A lot were asking "Kelan kayo magpapakasal?" I would always say, "Matagal pa." I even don't look on the future family yet. I haven't felt it now (forever). There are still a lot of things I need to fulfill and accomplish for my family. I will just be praying that God will guide us through our journey together, wherever it will leads us. Hopefully, all my waiting will be worth it. In God's perfect time.


** Jah & Pong 11.24.10

SINO?

Exactly 5 years ago (Dec. 7, 2010) I wrote this poem. And now, I am posting it here in my blog. Wala lang. I just want to share this -- that 5 years ago, these were my thoughts. Few days after I had said Yes to my first and still boyfriend at the moment. :)

I know, I've always been expressive through writing, that I was able to write this randomly. And I rarely write poems in tagalog. Ewan ko bakit. Kasi, minsan mahirap mag-rhyme. Hahaha. But this one is in tagalog, and it seems I was able to make justice to it (kahit konti). So.. here is it..

Sino?

Bumihag sa puso ko, isang estranghero.

Pangalan niya noong una ay "ewan" ko,

pinagtagpo nalang bigla 

na parang isang panaginip na nagkatotoo.

Sino ba siya?

Ginulo ang mundo ko.

Kinukulit ang bawat araw

ng tanong, kung pwede ba tayo?

Madalas, tinatanong ko ang sarili

totoo ba ang kanyang sinasabi,

o lahat ng yon ay kalokohan lang,

naghahanap ng pusong mapagtritripan.

Ngunit lumipas ang mga araw

at siya ay nanatiling nandiyan.

Unti unti ay aking nakilala

at ako'y pinapasaya.

Isang pakiramdam ang gumising sa akin

bumulong ang puso na OO ay sabihin

at subukan kung saan kami dadalhin

ng pag-ibig na nagbuklod sa amin.

Ngayon ay TAYO na,

ikaw at ako, at ang pag-ibig na ito.

Aking dasal sa Maykapal sana'y dinggin

na puso namin ay maging masaya at pagpalain.

12.07.10