Happy Birthday Donna! 🎂 08.20.18

It's the birthday of one of my closest and bestest friend ever and I can't thank her enough for everything in our 8 years of friendship. As I say, my "constant" in this world of "people come and go".

So, here's the video I made for her birthday. It is just so happy to laugh about how our journey as friends developed to what we are now. To being so thin to chubby, to being silent to loud, to becoming matured individuals and how our faith made us who we are now.

I always have your back.

Much Love,
Jazel 💛

Surprise Bridal Shower for Kitty! 🎉

Surprise! 🎉

We had booked for an out of town trip not just to bond, but also to surprise our dear Kitty for a simple bridal shower. And after long talks, finalizing our schedules, we ended up to a staycation in Tagaytay.

It was June 11, and it was raining hard, very windy and Metro Manila is in flood. We supposed to meet at 11am but ended up at 2 or 3pm because we cannot pass through the flood and LRT operations has been cancelled for a time. Yes, this was indeed a memorable trip to remember, because despite all the delays we have managed to push through this event. Anything for Kitty. ❤

Finally, we are here! Literal na mga basang sisiw! As we settled, Kitty and Dorothy went out to buy our dinner, and me and Germie did the decorating. Yes, we only had an hour to finish everything, and tadan! Mission Accomplished!! We just had dinner, fitted our gowns, played Uno and watched Midnight Sun and then go to sleep.

The next day (June 12), after having a quick breakfast, good thing, the sun is a little out already we had time to go out and explore our beautiful view of the Taal. We had a delicious brunch out, in a very cozy resto nearby then pack our things up by 12nn. We stop by to buy pasalubong and headed home.

So, that is it. That's our quick trip to Tagaytay and how simple our happiness is. Just goofing around each other, good talk, good food, good laughs and we are okay. Having these girls around for almost 15 years says it all. Through ups and downs and all the seasons of life, we will gonna be there for each other. So, here's a video compilation of our Tagaytay trip / surprise bridal shower for Kitty. 😍

How Are You Now?

Hello there! 👋

This will just be a quick write up of how I am now. I've been really wanting to write but a lot happened and I think, I was also too lazy to pick myself up from bed and bring together my thoughts. Today, I just want to burst out everthing I feel. As you know, I always have this birthday blues where in, I think on things too much and gets emotional.

I had my birthday almost a month ago but nothing really special happened. As in, nothing! This is the first time that I will spending it at the office and working because I normally take a leave during my birthday and escape my officemates. Hahaha! But two days before that, we had a simple pizza-pasta meal with my team. And since I am working on night shift now, I felt I welcomed it twice in the office, Tuesday shift from 22nd to 23rd, and Wednesday shift from 23rd to 24th. It was a normal day I even went to Divisoria that morning to buy additional stuff to the project I am preparing. No extra ordinary food on our table, no sweet surprises, no eating out or any kind of celebration. And to be honest, I am totally fine with it. I am not really the type who celebrate birthdays. All this time, I thought I turned off my birthday notifications on FB, but it didn't, so yeah.. they know it's my birthday and I've been replying everyone for their greetings. But next year, promise, I'll make sure that it will not appear anymore and people who knew me well will be the only one who will greet me. Hahaha! Lol. 😂 I really appreciate it more when it's something personal and intimate. And ohh.. what was exciting about my birthday is 1st - my starbucks free cake, and I picked purple yam, and 2nd, the free dirty ice cream at the office!🍦 So happy for the free items! 😁

So, how am I? What was I thinking?

~ I am still embracing the fact that I am now single in all aspects. That I need to face things alone without nobody to be with, or nobody to share with. And yes, it sucks! There was a day, I felt missing him or maybe, I just miss all the "feelings" I used to feel. It takes time to move everything forward and seven years is long enough to be forgotten. I just miss loving. To prepare things for someone, to cook for him, take care of him, to talk to him about anything and just be my normal sweet self. It's so hard! But don't worry, I have accepted the fact that it is over. No more pain. I just need to move on with the things "I used to" do. It's ok. It's ok not to be ok. Sometimes, you need a time alone to think and embrace the sadness, or the loneliness. You need to let it go, and after a while, I know you will come out stronger. This has been a big step forward for me. It feels so independent. Feels so strong that I was able to fight over my soft heart. So here I am, spending my time with friends and the things I miss doing like arts and reading, or just simply taking the opportunity to sleep and sleep.

I don't know if I am afraid to be alone, I really don't know. But I am afraid not finding or meeting the right person for me. Like, how? Or where will I find him? I know, I still have time and I am not rushing on things, but I am really wishing and praying that God will give me the right person in His perfect time. 🙏

So, that's it. Don't worry, I am ok, and it's also ok if I am not. I have lot of things to do, so, I'll just get myself busy and forget all those sadness and loneliness away.

Chao! 💋

🎂

Too many memories for today, but I will leave everything with the message below.

Happy Birthday! 🎈🎈🎈

I Finally Did It

It has been few months. A lot happened and I guess, I will have more time to update my blog now. So, let me share something I got from Facebook. Actually, I  relate to a lot of his post and I actually don't know what it is in him, that as if he reads my mind and my heart. His post are painful, but very honest. It just speaks everything I want to shout out at this very moment. So here it's goes...

WORDS by NEIL JED CASTRO

So, after a constant struggle, she finally did it.

No mo sleepless nights for her. No more tears every midnight. No more sudden anxiety. No more chest pains. No more questioning about her worth. No more catching feelings. She did it.

She has finally let go of the toxic relationship that she was in. She has finally realized that it was no longer worth fighting. She has finally realized to love herself first. She has finally realized that she has  to prioritized herself first.

She has finally let go of the memories of you. She has finally let go of the thought of you. She has finally let go of all the grudges and pain. She lose you but she found herself.

She is not bitter. She is even thankful of you. You made her realized a lot of things. She will remember you not the person she used to love but as a learning experience. Thank you for making her braver!

And to the other girls going through the same thing, you will get there!

.....................................................................................................................................................................

And after 7 years, it finally ended. No more tears, more of .. "I can finally breathe". We have been to a lot, and it was not an easy ride. All of the memories will not be erased overnight, but I know everything will be ok. There are still no regrets - I became happy and I have loved him. But maybe things will be better of this way now. 

Thank you, and I wish you'll be ok too.

Sweet Escape

We were two souls who needed some fresh air, an escape from the busy city, from the stressful work and from the life we had. And there we were, finding comfort in each other, making each other feel, “you are not alone.”

We’ve been friends for two years now. I can’t explain much of the friendship we have. He would tease me, and sometimes bully me. But that is something we enjoy laughing at. He would always ask questions related to work, and our day was just about that. We would sometimes have our small talks about life – family, friends and love. We are opposites. Our life is a total contrast of each other.  He is the happy go lucky one, and I'm the quiet serious type. He makes most of his time to enjoy his life, he travels, explore, and make the most of it because as he always say, life is too short. While on the other hand, my life seems to be boring. I can’t afford to enjoy it as much as he does, for I am stuck to be the perfect daughter, the provider, and the role model. I have lot of priorities in life, that I rarely have time for myself.

We didn’t really have the chance to hang out due to our conflicting schedules. Only few times when we get the chance to eat lunch and talk. But there are plans of going out, to try something new, to watch an interesting movie, to try different things and check some on my bucket list. He wanted to help me conquer my fears and try out new things.

One day, he asked me out and we went to Nuvali. We have been talking going there but no final date yet, and I really don’t have any idea that it will happen that day. We were both free, and we decided to go together. We just had ourselves, our beep cards and some extra cash. I was excited for unplanned trips like this. I feel like, I am escaping for the real world for a while. The bus ride from Makati to Nuvali only took us about 45 minutes to an hour. We were at Solenad. Fresh Air! Yes, we had breath cold fresh air. I just think that's what we needed. We needed a place we can be at ease, and relax. We just roam around, had Starbucks to keep ourselves hot, eat some snacks and headed home after 2 hours. We still have work the next day, so we are particular with our time.

But what is special about this trip? We had the chance to talk topics we rarely talk about in person, or in a deeper sense. While waiting for other passengers at the bus, he finally started talking. We both have our long time partners. They have been together for almost 11 years, and I had a  7 years relationship. I never thought that we almost have the same story, where in I can relate so much. I think, he did most of the talking and imparting the lessons he had learned over the years. That, this is life.  “Nasanay na ako sa set-up na ganito, so parang ok nalang.” He also said, “Hindi naman tayo mawawalan, kasi, baka on the first place, hindi naman tayo nagkaroon.” It actually makes sense to me right now. We were both in a situation where in our partners makes us feel they are not there in the relationship yet we still stayed.

Then, I saw a different person during the trip. I used to see him making fun of me or irritating me. But during that time, he comforted me and made me feel safe. I actually don’t know what is happening. It seems to be wrong, but I never saw it wrong because we are friends and that was what I am thinking the whole trip. He had me in his arms. He held my cold hands, cuddle and caress me. He would pinch me like he always does and hugged me tight. Then from there, I felt how much he misses her and how much he longed for her. I know it’s a little wrong that I let him do things like that, but I felt his pain and longingness. And before we parted ways, he even asked me for a goodbye hug. It is one tight hug, “Thank you for today.”

And now, I am writing this because everything keeps repeating in my mind. I have lot of questions to him right now. "Why. Why are you too sweet all of a sudden?  What was that? Is it something you did because you have to or because you see her in me?” I really don’t know what will happen for the days to come, but I hope I’ll be able to get the answers I needed.