Sunday, June 17, 2018

How are you now?


Hello there! 👋

This will just be a quick write up of how I am now. I've been really wanting to write but a lot happened and I think, I was also too lazy to pick myself up from bed and bring together my thoughts. Today, I just want to burst out everthing I feel. As you know, I always have this birthday blues where in, I think on things too much and gets emotional.

I had my birthday almost a month ago but nothing really special happened. As in, nothing! This is the first time that I will spending it at the office and working because I normally take a leave during my birthday and escape my officemates. Hahaha! But two days before that, we had a simple pizza-pasta meal with my team. And since I am working on night shift now, I felt I welcomed it twice in the office, Tuesday shift from 22nd to 23rd, and Wednesday shift from 23rd to 24th. It was a normal day I even went to Divisoria that morning to buy additional stuff to the project I am preparing. No extra ordinary food on our table, no sweet surprises, no eating out or any kind of celebration. And to be honest, I am totally fine with it. I am not really the type who celebrate birthdays. All this time, I thought I turned off my birthday notifications on FB, but it didn't, so yeah.. they know it's my birthday and I've been replying everyone for their greetings. But next year, promise, I'll make sure that it will not appear anymore and people who knew me well will be the only one who will greet me. Hahaha! Lol. 😂 I really appreciate it more when it's something personal and intimate. And ohh.. what was exciting about my birthday is 1st - my starbucks free cake, and I picked purple yam, and 2nd, the free dirty ice cream at the office!🍦 So happy for the free items! 😁

So, how am I? What was I thinking?
~ I am still embracing the fact that I am now single in all aspects. That I need to face things alone without nobody to be with, or nobody to share with. And yes, it sucks! There was a day, I felt missing him or maybe, I just miss all the "feelings" I used to feel. It takes time to move everything forward and seven years is long enough to be forgotten. I just miss loving. To prepare things for someone, to cook for him, take care of him, to talk to him about anything and just be my normal sweet self. It's so hard! But don't worry, I have accepted the fact that it is over. No more pain. I just need to move on with the things "I used to" do. It's ok. It's ok not to be ok. Sometimes, you need a time alone to think and embrace the sadness, or the loneliness. You need to let it go, and after a while, I know you will come out stronger. This has been a big step forward for me. It feels so independent. Feels so strong that I was able to fight over my soft heart. So here I am, spending my time with friends and the things I miss doing like arts and reading, or just simply taking the opportunity to sleep and sleep.

I don't know if I am afraid to be alone, I really don't know. But I am afraid not finding or meeting the right person for me. Like, how? Or where will I find him? I know, I still have time and I am not rushing on things, but I am really wishing and praying that God will give me the right person in His perfect time. 🙏

So, that's it. Don't worry, I am ok, and it's also ok if I am not. I have lot of things to do, so, I'll just get myself busy and forget all those sadness and loneliness away.

Chao! 💋

Tuesday, May 1, 2018

🎂

Too many memories for today, but I will leave everything with the message below.


Happy Birthday! 🎈🎈🎈

Tuesday, February 27, 2018

I Finally Did It

It has been few months. A lot happened and I guess, I will have more time to update my blog now. So, let me share something I got from Facebook. Actually, I  relate to a lot of his post and I actually don't know what it is in him, that as if he reads my mind and my heart. His post are painful, but very honest. It just speaks everything I want to shout out at this very moment. So here it's goes...

WORDS by NEIL JED CASTRO

So, after a constant struggle, she finally did it.

No mo sleepless nights for her. No more tears every midnight. No more sudden anxiety. No more chest pains. No more questioning about her worth. No more catching feelings. She did it.

She has finally let go of the toxic relationship that she was in. She has finally realized that it was no longer worth fighting. She has finally realized to love herself first. She has finally realized that she has  to prioritized herself first.

She has finally let go of the memories of you. She has finally let go of the thought of you. She has finally let go of all the grudges and pain. She lose you but she found herself.

She is not bitter. She is even thankful of you. You made her realized a lot of things. She will remember you not the person she used to love but as a learning experience. Thank you for making her braver!

And to the other girls going through the same thing, you will get there!

.....................................................................................................................................................................

And after 7 years, it finally ended. No more tears, more of .. "I can finally breathe". We have been to a lot, and it was not an easy ride. All of the memories will not be erased overnight, but I know everything will be ok. There are still no regrets - I became happy and I have loved him. But maybe things will be better of this way now. 

Thank you, and I wish you'll be ok too.



Tuesday, May 30, 2017

strangers with some memories..



** One of the saddest endings of all stories.
This applies in all kinds of relationships, especially with FRIENDSHIP.. Because people come and go in our lives. And most of the time, they just go without any particular reason. They just leave everything behind. Leave all the memories. And eventually, erase US in their lives for good.

I just hate this kind of goodbyes...
Because I treasure memories so much. I treasure "friendship" in a deeper sense, and it hurts me so much how a happy story ends with such a sad goodbye.

xx JaJa

Wednesday, May 24, 2017

Birthday Blues

Oh hello again..

Just wanted to express my thoughts..
So, it was my birthday yesterday, and as usual... I always gets emotional with things I think OVER. Birthdays are not a big thing for me. It is usually just a normal day. As much as possible, I don't wanted people to know about it. I felt uneasy if people greeted me in person. But I do appreciate their greetings. Maybe, I'm just not the type who are up for celebrations, or I am just used to spent it as an ordinary day.

Birthdays for us is a simple lunch / dinner at home with family. Pancit or spaghetti will do. Since it falls on summer, I don't get to celebrate it with friends, growing up.

Friends? I am not the friendly type who do the first "hi" or "hello" thing. I am usually the quiet one who listens to you and give my thoughts. I am the caring & thoughtful one. I gain friends from school, and now, at work. I just had a small group of friends. Growing up, I had spent most days at home playing with myself and my only cousin. I had no friends besides her. My childhood is not a bad one, but as you noticed, its not as exciting as most kids had.

Maybe that is one reason why I value friendship so much. That when I get close with someone and get too much attached, I value and treasure her / him so much. I am too caring & thoughtful, and that  particular "friend" is special in all ways. It was an automatic treatment and gesture.

So.. why I get emotional again?

Since, I only have a small group of friends, I would know who were there and who were not. Them remembering my special day is something I really appreciate. They know how I love long messages and heart warming greetings.

And it always saddened me whenever one slowly get out of that small circle after he / she had found new friends. After some time, busy schedules and distance will keep you apart. Soon, you'll get no reply after efforts of sending hello's and how are you's.

Since its my birthday, I remember them... and suddenly felt this feeling.. "people will leave you despite all your efforts and the good things you did  for them, when they found new ones who they get along with." I may not be the exciting friend everyone wants. Nor the clown that gives the life & energy of the group, but I am the one who would listens and take cares of you. 

I miss them..
And now, I fear of getting close to new friends and end up with the same sad story... 

Thursday, March 30, 2017

VALUE YOURSELF!




** I guess, this speaks everything I had gone through. Save yourself. Value yourself. You may lost some time, but you can still find love. That love you truly deserves. And I agree.. It's painful to let go of the love you had for years, but it's more painful to lose yourself in the process of STILL loving someone who always took you for granted. You are WORTHY of the LOVE you DESERVE. <3

Tuesday, March 28, 2017

How have you been?

Few people really knew what happened. I am lucky enough that they do not ask much. It was something I really don't know how to share. It wasn't a very painful break up, but it will not be easy. It will not be over overnight. I feel numb. I wasn't crying as much as I should, but I know I wasn't okay. There will be those nights, that all the pain I had kept will just fall in my eyes. I tried to distract myself from thinking of him, or what happened.

I am still on the process of accepting that things didn't go on our way. I try to change the things I used to do and make myself extra busy. Sometimes, I just want to be crazy and be mad at the world, but I know that I will be okay.. I will soon be okay.

I  should value myself more and wait for the one who I truly deserve. 
Someone who will make me truly happy..
Who will give me time..
Who will value me..
Who will respect me..
Who will take care of me..
Who will make me laugh..
Who will love talking & listening to me..
Who will never get tried of handling me..
and someone who will fall in love with me over and over again and won't let me go..

#MovingOn