From the title, are you curious what is it I'm about to write?
So, first of all, I am not sure if this is the right time to write about it, or if I am ready for it, or if I am really doing this. This has been a debate in my mind for the past few days & months, and I keep asking myself, "should I do it?". To be honest, I don't know how this blog will be go, but let's try.
What is this about?
I have read blogs, posts and open letters of women talking to their future partner and stating the qualities they want their future husband to be like. They have been specific. I've watch some wedding videos and heard from their vows how God has been good to them, giving them the man they have been praying for. So, is it time for me to write one?
When I was younger, I have thoughts on my mind, what I wanted in a guy. I wanted him to be like this, like that. We all have our dream prince charming in mind. Maybe that will qualify as what they call "standards". But when you are young and in love, sometimes, you don't care about it anymore. You go for that sudden feeling of kilig. You embrace the love that is in front of you, not thinking of other things. You'll focus on that and will go where that love will take you. And most of the time, we get blinded of the feeling to be in loved.
And there is the other type who would stick with their "dream guy". To the man they imagine to be the perfect one, their lifetime partner. Women in this group have their specific list, and if you don't qualify to the standard, no matter how good looking you are or how perfect you may be, sorry but you'll be disqualified. They don't care, how many men expressed interest to them, they will always stick to their standards.
And where I am here?
To be honest, I am hesitant to write my list. I feel like, I might not to be able to follow what will I write. Maybe, I will settle for less, just to have someone who is willing to accept and love me. I know.. I shouldn't think like that, but I can't help it. I am not confident enough that someone in my standard, will love me back. I am afraid that someone is out of my reach.
But my past relationship taught me my value. That it is okay to have these standards to guide you for the right person. It is not being choosy or asking for too much, nor being selfish. Thinking what you deserve is not being selfish at all. We should know our value, our worth and when the right person comes, you will know it in your heart.
So I believe, more than the list, it is more of praying for the right person. Not just stating what you wanted to have, but praying for what God wanted you to have. There is a big difference. Not all our wants are given to us but God will give us what we deserve according to His plans.
So for the question, Will I finally write it?
I will give myself time to compose the prayer I will ask God. I want it to be intimate and from the heart. I want to feel the happiness every time I talk about him. I want to feel the goosebumps when I finally meet him at the end of the altar. I wanted to be surprise. And because I believe in God's plans for me, I know he will give the right man for me in His perfect time.
xoxo,
Jazel
