Will I Finally Write It?

From the title, are you curious what is it I'm about to write? 

So, first of all, I am not sure if this is the right time to write about it, or if I am ready for it, or if I am really doing this. This has been a debate in my mind for the past few days & months, and I keep asking myself, "should I do it?". To be honest, I don't know how this blog will be go, but let's try.

What is this about? 

I have read blogs, posts and open letters of women talking to their future partner and stating the qualities they want their future husband to be like. They have been specific. I've watch some wedding videos and heard from their vows how God has been good to them, giving them the man they have been praying for. So, is it time for me to write one? 

When I was younger, I have thoughts on my mind, what I wanted in a guy. I wanted him to be like this, like that. We all have our dream prince charming in mind. Maybe that will qualify as what they call "standards". But when you are young and in love, sometimes, you don't care about it anymore. You go for that sudden feeling of kilig. You embrace the love that is in front of you, not thinking of other things. You'll focus on that and will go where that love will take you. And most of the time, we get blinded of the feeling to be in loved.

And there is the other type who would stick with their "dream guy". To the man they imagine to be the perfect one, their lifetime partner. Women in this group have their specific list, and if you don't qualify to the standard, no matter how good looking you are or how perfect you may be, sorry but you'll be disqualified. They don't care, how many men expressed interest to them, they will always stick to their standards.

And where I am here?

To be honest, I am hesitant to write my list. I feel like, I might not to be able to follow what will I write. Maybe, I will settle for less, just to have someone who is willing to accept and love me. I know.. I shouldn't think like that, but I can't help it. I am not confident enough that someone in my standard, will love me back. I am afraid that someone is out of my reach.

But my past relationship taught me my value. That it is okay to have these standards to guide you for the right person. It is not being choosy or asking for too much, nor being selfish. Thinking what you deserve is not being selfish at all. We should know our value, our worth and when the right person comes, you will know it in your heart.

So I believe, more than the list, it is more of praying for the right person. Not just stating what you wanted to have, but praying for what God wanted you to have. There is a big difference. Not all our wants are given to us but God will give us what we deserve according to His plans.

So for the question, Will I finally write it? 

I will give myself time to compose the prayer I will ask God. I want it to be intimate and from the heart. I want to feel the happiness every time I talk about him. I want to feel the goosebumps when I finally meet him at the end of the altar. I wanted to be surprise. And because I believe in God's plans for me,  I know he will give the right man for me in His perfect time.

xoxo,

Jazel

Hey May!

It's my birthday month and as you know, I am not so fond of celebrating my birthday or anything about it, but I wanted to give myself some good vibes. So, first of them is a photo of me.

I've been wanting a Chibi illustration of myself, though I do love arts, drawing is the least I can do. I am not good in it. So, I have commissioned a piece and here it is!

Thanks to AC Pantaleon for doing this for me. I also got items with this very cute "me" in it - a 5R printed photo, a ref magnet, keychain, pin button, stickers and a phone socket. You may check out on her in Facebook and Instagram @eysi.designs

by: AC Pantaleon (IG: @eysi.designs)

Hindi Pinili

Ano kaya ung pakiramdam ng pinipili?

Ilang ulit ako humarap sa salamin

at tinanong ang sarili ko

kung ano ang mali?

Anong panget?

Ano pa ang kulang?

Bakit ba hindi ako nagiging sapat para magustuhan?

Bakit laging may tanong?

Bakit laging may pag aalinlangan?

Kahit anong gawin ko,

hindi ako ang nakikita.

Laging may mas higit.

Laging may mas nakakalamang.

Ano bang pagkakaiba ko sa tanan?

Ako ung nandito pero iba ang hinahanap.

Ako ung nasa harapan pero hindi nakikita.

Kelan ba ako magiging sapat

para sa pamantayan ng mundo?

Pwede bang ako naman?

Ako naman sana ung makita.

Sana ako naman ung kailanganin.

Sana ako naman ung pahalagahan.

Sana ako naman ang piliin.

Kasi kahit anong pilit ko,

pag hindi ka talaga gusto,

hindi ka gusto.

Tapos ang kwento.

What are the chances?

Hey! It's love month and few days before Valentine's Day. And here I am trying to write again especially with all these things in my mind. All the hugots from the people around me, from the dramas I watched or just random feeling I felt or something that crossed my mind.

What are the chances?

What are the chances that we can't love back the person who likes us, especially if that is a good person? That is why there is this dating stage to further know the person. Well, for me, it is not about the looks or whatever, it is still the connection. I know, maybe when we are younger, that matters to us. But today, in this age, me personally, wants someone who can connect with me. Who can understand my silence and respects it. Someone who will not judge, but understands even if he doesn't know the whole story. A life partner. Someone that brings you smile despite doing nothing. Who can stay with you, keep you safe and protect you. Someone who listens more than talk. Whose priority is to make you happy. A relationship built with a good foundation of friendship.

What are the chances of being brave enough to confess your feelings for a good friend? Friendship between a girl and a guy is possible, but most of the time, the other may fall for the other. It may be mutual or one sided but how brave are you of the chances? How will you know if you don't ask? I know this is one of the hardest things to do, especially if something is at stake - your friendship. It may break, or advance your relationship to the next level but falling for your bestfriend is also a best feeling, right? So, go for it! You will never know the answer unless you try.

If he is not for it, then someone is out there for you. If he walk away after confessing your feelings and you lose the friendship eventually, then maybe he don't value what you have. If you went for it and it fails, at least, you were able to learn from it and hopefully, you can still be friends after. And if you go for it and found yourselves happy, congratulations! Keep what you have and treasure it.

What are the chances of loving someone else despite the fact of being in a relationship? Hmm.. that is complicated! Why fall for someone when you are committed? It is not just a matter of being faithful, but also being confuse of who do you really love. You need to assess and decide. Will you leave your relationship for a new found love? How sure are you of the new one? Maybe you are just mistaken of what you feel. Are you still happy? Whatever your decision may be, someone might get hurt, just make sure to go out of situation in good terms for both - the one you are in relationship with, and the new one. Let us not judge those in this situation, it is possible to happen even with the nicest person.

What are the chances to go running back to your ex? Are you open to give second chance a try? That maybe this time around, you can fix what have gone wrong and give love a chance to get back on you. There is nothing really wrong about it, it may work out, it may not. For me, it all depends on the foundation of what you used to have. Go back where you started feeling the kilig, maybe you can pick it from there to start a new one again. I guess you will just feel it, if it is worth to try again.

What are the chances of you breaking up because of long distance relationship? This may work out for some, and may not work out for many. I believe it is because we wanted love to be felt in the presence of our partners physically. Someone you can see, touch, hug and kiss. We are so affectionate we need assurance of love to be seen through that. But why does it work for some? Again, let us go back to the foundation of the relationship. How well do you know each other? How can trust be so significant with it. We are all different, and LDR may not be possible for all, but always remember that trust is a big part of any relationship, may it be far or near, seen or not. Work out to build a good foundation in your relationship and you will never be in doubt.

What are the chances of breaking up from your long time relationship? It is possible, no matter how we try to keep one relationship healthy, it can break apart. How long is long? Like 5 years, 7 years, 10 years? It is actually not on numbers anymore. It can happen to anyone even to married couples. Don't let the number of years define the relationship, it is the journey how you kept the relationship strong despite the problems you faced along the way all those years. If it is not healthy anymore and it doesn't work out, don't hesitate or double think to let it go. It will never be a waste of time. Maybe it is not yet your "the one".

As what they say, in the end, we only regret the chances we didn't take, relationships we were afraid to have, and the decisions we waited too long to make. Chances don't approach you, it's you who approaches the chances.

Take this chance because you never know how perfect what is waiting for you.