Hey May!

It's my birthday month and as you know, I am not so fond of celebrating my birthday or anything about it, but I wanted to give myself some good vibes. So, first of them is a photo of me.

I've been wanting a Chibi illustration of myself, though I do love arts, drawing is the least I can do. I am not good in it. So, I have commissioned a piece and here it is!

Thanks to AC Pantaleon for doing this for me. I also got items with this very cute "me" in it - a 5R printed photo, a ref magnet, keychain, pin button, stickers and a phone socket. You may check out on her in Facebook and Instagram @eysi.designs

by: AC Pantaleon (IG: @eysi.designs)

Personality Type: Defender

I came across this personality test in google and discover my personality type. And well, this says a lot about me. I even wonder how near it is to perfection. I believe, we know ourselves way better than others, but in one way or another there was this piece of it for discovery. Something like, it is there but we just ignore it. Or maybe we are too focused on something and cannot see what is beyond there. Or, we just don’t admit it!

So, I am sharing the link so that others can find out their personality type too. It is a free test, so just click on it and answer the questions as true as you can be.

 https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test

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Initially, I plan to share the whole text / description of my personality type and comment on it, but I think that will be too long and boring. So, I will Just insert a few descriptions and let us talk about it in the end.

Here is my result - I am a DEFENDER

Credits: https://www.16personalities.com/isfj-personality

A Defender (ISFJ) is someone with the Introverted, Observant, Feeling, and Judging personality traits. These people tend to be warm and unassuming in their own steady way. They are efficient and responsible, giving careful attention to practical details in their daily lives.

The Defender personality type is quite unique, as many of their qualities defy the definition of their individual traits. Though sensitive, Defenders have excellent analytical abilities; though reserved, they have well-developed people skills and robust social relationships; and though they are generally a conservative type, Defenders are often receptive to change and new ideas. As with so many things, people with the Defender personality type are more than the sum of their parts, and it is the way they use these strengths that defines who they are.

Defenders are true altruists, meeting kindness with kindness-in-excess and engaging the work and people they believe in with enthusiasm and generosity.

If I Can Protect You, I Will - Defender personalities are a wonderful group, rarely sitting idle while a worthy cause remains unfinished. Defenders’ ability to connect with others on an intimate level is unrivaled among Introverts, and the joy they experience in using those connections to maintain a supportive, happy family is a gift for everyone involved. They may never be truly comfortable in the spotlight, and may feel guilty taking due credit for team efforts, but if they can ensure that their efforts are recognized, Defenders are likely to feel a level of satisfaction in what they do that many other personality types can only dream of.

Defender Strengths

 • Supportive – Defenders are the universal helpers, sharing their knowledge, experience, time and energy with anyone who needs it, and all the more so with friends and family. People with this personality type strive for win-win situations, choosing empathy over judgment whenever possible.

• Reliable and Patient – Rather than offering sporadic, excited rushes that leave things half finished, Defenders are meticulous and careful, taking a steady approach and bending with the needs of the situation just enough to accomplish their end goals. Defenders not only ensure that things are done to the highest standard, but often go well beyond what is required.

• Imaginative and Observant – Defenders are very imaginative, and use this quality as an accessory to empathy, observing others’ emotional states and seeing things from their perspective. With their feet firmly planted on the ground, it is a very practical imagination, though they do find things quite fascinating and inspiring.

• Enthusiastic – When the goal is right, Defenders take all this support, reliability and imagination and apply it to something they believe will make a difference in people’s lives – whether fighting poverty with a global initiative or simply making a customer’s day.

• Loyal and Hard-Working – Given a little time, this enthusiasm grows into loyalty – Defender personalities often form an emotional attachment to the ideas and organizations they’ve dedicated themselves to. Anything short of meeting their obligations with good, hard work fails their own expectations.

• Good Practical Skills – The best part is, Defenders have the practical sense to actually do something with all this altruism. If mundane, routine tasks are what need to be done, Defenders can see the beauty and harmony that they create, because they know that it helps them to care for their friends, family, and anyone else who needs it.

Defender Weaknesses

• Humble and Shy – The meek shall inherit the earth, but it’s a long road if they receive no recognition at all. This is possibly Defenders’ biggest challenge, as they are so concerned with others’ feelings that they refuse to make their thoughts known, or to take any duly earned credit for their contributions. Defenders’ standards for themselves are also so high that, knowing they could have done some minor aspect of a task better, they often downplay their successes entirely.

• Take Things Too Personally – Defenders have trouble separating personal and impersonal situations – any situation is still an interaction between two people, after all – and any negativity from conflict or criticism can carry over from their professional to their personal lives, and back again.

• Repress Their Feelings – People with the Defender personality type are private and very sensitive, internalizing their feelings a great deal. Much in the way that Defenders protect others’ feelings, they must protect their own, and this lack of healthy emotional expression can lead to a lot of stress and frustration.

• Overload Themselves – Their strong senses of duty and perfectionism combine with this aversion to emotional conflict to create a situation where it is far too easy for Defenders to overload themselves – or to be overloaded by others – as they struggle silently to meet everyone’s expectations, especially their own.

• Reluctant to Change – These challenges can be particularly hard to address since Defender personalities value traditions and history highly in their decisions. A situation sometimes needs to reach a breaking point before Defenders are persuaded by circumstance, or the strong personality of a loved one, to alter course.

• Too Altruistic – This is all compounded and reinforced by Defenders’ otherwise wonderful quality of altruism. Being such warm, good-natured people, Defenders are willing to let things slide, to believe that things will get better soon, to not burden others by accepting their offers of help, while their troubles mount unassisted.

On Romantic Relationships - When it comes to romantic relationships, Defenders’ kindness grows into a joy that is only found in taking care of their family and home, in being there for emotional and practical support whenever it’s needed. Home is where the heart is for people with the Defender personality type, and in no other area of their lives do they strive with such dedication to create the harmony and beauty they wish to see in the world.

 The trouble is, these are the benefits of an established long-term relationship, and Defenders’ unbearable shyness means it can take a long time to reach this point. Defenders are most attractive when they are simply being themselves in a comfortable environment such as work, where their natural flow shows this kindness and dedication. Relationships built on established familiarity are a warm prospect for Defenders – they take dating seriously and only enter into relationships that have a real chance of lasting a lifetime.

On Friendships - Given how generous Defenders are with their warm praise and support, it’s not surprising that others enjoy their company enough to call them friends. The challenge is to be considered a friend back – people with the Defender personality type are shy and a little protective of themselves, but they also need to be able to connect on a deeper emotional level. It makes sense then that most of Defenders’ friends are made not by random encounters on a wild night out, but through comfortable and consistent contact, as in class or in the workplace where they have the time to get to know each other little by little.

 Conclusion

Few personality types are as practical and dedicated as Defenders. Known for their reliability and altruism, Defenders are good at creating and maintaining a secure and stable environment for themselves and their loved ones. Defenders’ dedication is invaluable in many areas, including their own personal growth.

Yet Defenders can be easily tripped up in areas where their kindness and practical approach are more of a liability than an asset. Whether it is finding (or keeping) a partner, learning to relax or improvise, reaching dazzling heights on the career ladder, or managing their workload, Defenders need to put in a conscious effort to develop their weaker traits and additional skills.

 

COMMENT TIME!

I tried to shorten it as much as possible, but I just needed to put the strength and weaknesses of this personality type so you can understand US better. I have some words in bold for emphasis.

Overall, we are the reserved type of personality, being humble and shy in nature. But we have so much kindness in our hearts, so much of it, it tends to become a weakness rather than strength. The most used word in this description is altruistic, meaning “showing a disinterested and selfless concern for the well-being of others” or in simple words, “unselfish”. Yes, it can be too bad, I know. Maybe that is how we show our love, because since we are reserved and shy, we show it off in our actions. One way is by wanting other’s benefits before us. And most of the time, other people take advantage of that.

I hope, people will appreciate us, rather than take advantage of it. At the same time, it is for us to guard our actions, and make boundaries on how much we will give.

Hope you learned to understand DEFENDERS a little more.

For Tito 💖

I was devastated with the news that you are gone.

I immediately dialed your number and it rang.

I stopped after a few rings, afraid if it's true.

Then I texted you.. "Tito?"

Few minutes later, your number was calling me.

I said hello a few times but the voice sounds differently.

I started crying when I confirmed it's true

and even louder when they said the virus hit you.

I was speechless, I don't know what else to do.

I am heartbroken.

Why you?? 

With a heavy heart,

I ran towards my room crying.

I picture the last time you were here.

And remember how I promised to visit you

when I got the chance to travel in Cebu.

You were the second man besides Papa who I know would protect me.

Who never expressed it, but I always felt the love and concern you have for me.

So many childhood memories I will forever keep.
Happy stories I will miss.

Like the times, when you measure my height in the wall, checking if I a grew an inch or so.

The duty free days and bags of chocolates.

The danggit and otap pasalubong back home.

Your morning routine of reading the newspaper and answering crossword puzzles.

Your love for sport and how I got to watch basketball,

volleyball, boxing, billiards and tennis with you.

And because of you, I started knowing Serena, Venus, and Martina (in tennis).

Your love for watching and answering questions in a game show.

Your lotto afternoon habit and bringing food for dinner.

The after Sunday masses and the kakanin you would buy for breakfast.

And lastly, I will miss cooking for you.

That's you.

You always have something to share.

You are always generous and giving.

You stayed humble despite the title.

And even helped a lot of people reach for their dreams.
You are a Captain in his humble sail.

But what will I miss the most? 

The way you tell stories and jokes, and the times we laugh out loud.

The sarcasm in every story.

The sound in your voice I will forever carry.

I feel heartbroken because we lost you this way.

It's hard to let you go so easily..

I never got the chance to thank you for all the help you showered our family,

and the happiness you bring whenever you are home.

I never got the chance to treat you for something you would love to have.

I don't know until when the pain will be gone.

It might take a while..

But I will definitely miss you.

You will forever be the second father

in a reserve place in my heart. ♡

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Happy Sailing in heaven Tito!

I will miss you so much! 💔

06/05/2020

Dear Self

Looking back...

When I was 10, all I think of is to be good in school. I need to have good grades to show to Papa so that he'll be happy and usually, I get a prize for that. Papa was working abroad and we usually write him letters to update him on how things are going here. Mama was the one who was there for me. She goes with me to school and attend to all the things I need. She was supportive and always pushed me to be at my best but never pressured me. I have few friends in school too. I was leaving like a normal 10 year old who want to be good for her parents.

When I was 20, I was very determined to graduate. Life has not been so easy for us. All I want is to graduate and work immediately. I want to provide for my family. I was looking forward that Mama will just stay at home with Papa and enjoy everything I can give them.

I also started serving in the church. This is something I have been wanting to do, but don't have the confidence to start with. But God has called me to serve and I am happy I listened and went for it. 

At 20, I was also curious about love. I felt that I am already in the right age to explore love and be loved in return. So, I was brave enough to discover it. I had my first boyfriend.

Today, I am 30. I feel old. But nevertheless, I have learned so many things about life. I discover more things about my self and my capacity to handle things. I always try to be the better version of myself just as what God has want me to be.

I learned to open myself more. The introvert girl in me is still there but she is learning to weight things and to whom to put her trust with. I needed to open my mind to understand things more. And when you do, you will hurt less. Understanding that things happen for a reason may be an understatement, but  it is about trusting in God's plans for you. I also learn to be contented. Big or small, be thankful. It may be different from what others have achieved, but still, God has blessed us. We should never compare.  Trust in God's perfect timing.

And in love, don't be fooled with being inlove. It is not in the years of being together. Learn when to stop. And don't forget to love yourself too. Don't lose yourself in the relationship. You know what you deserve and don't be sorry about that. You need someone who knows how to value your worth.

I will write again to my 40 year old self in 10 years time. I hope, I make her proud of what the years will mold me. And by that time, I do hope I have someone with me to share life too. Just a happy life.

Celebrating it today was different, because we are on a global pandemic. It is hard to enjoy when there is a lot of things happening around. I worry with a lot of things in my mind. But trusting to God, is our hope that things will get better, and soon, things will be back to normal.

Dear self, Happy 30th! ❤

Everything will be better soon. And someone out there will find you. He will love and value your worth. You will be happy. Mama and Papa will be okay, and you will make them proud. Just trust in God's plans and His perfect timing.

Love,
Jazel ♡

30 ♡

God says.. "Prepare yourself. I am about to take you to another level of your life." ♡ 30

God is the reason why even in pain, I smile, in confusion, I understand, in betrayal, I trust and in fear, I continue to fight.

Thank you to all those who remember today. ♡

Yup, I loss 4kilos during ECQ. 🤗

Love,
Jazel ⚘
05.23.2020

For Mama

If I was only brave enough to tell the world my story, I would shout it out aloud for everyone to hear. But my story wasn't the typical one, I'm afraid I might hurt other people by telling this secret. But nevertheless, I am proud that I went through all these things and the person I have become with Mama's love and guidance.

I am loved. So much. ❤

I will be forever grateful to God for sending me to my parents. 

For Mama -

She had spent all her time taking care for me. Attending to my needs and wants and been so supportive of whatever I like. There were turn of events when she needed to work, and she did it. I saw how much sacrifice she had to take to make things easy for me. All the hardship she went through just to send me to school. I have seen all of those. It was heart breaking and heartwarming at the same time. It warms my heart because I know how much I am loved, and it breaks too because I've seen her do everything even things were difficult. I never heard her complain though I know she's in pain and tired. She still does it for me.

When things get better at home and when I finally got a job, I tried to make it  up with her. But I never heard her asked anything from me. She was contented. She is happy with the simple things, nothing grand. She never asked for more. She never obliged me for anything. A simple ice cream is happiness to her already.

I am no perfect daughter to deserve such selfless mother. She has so much love for me. Though we aren't expressive in saying all the sweet words, I feel everything of it, love is overflowing. Love as act of service is more than what words can say.

I don't know what else to say, she is more than anything in this world. A treasure I don't know ever exist. Something I will forever be thankful for.

In this life, I know I should know the truth, but for such reasons, I rather not know the story. I am more than contented of what I have, I have Mama. I am more than blessed to deserve someone like her. I am forever grateful that she had accepted me and much more. No one can ever replace her. Her love for me is incomparable. And I wish nothing else but her happiness in this world. Her comfort. Her simple joys.

What I am today is because of her, my achievements - it's hers. She lived by an example hard to reach. She will always be my inspiration to be best in whatever I do. A model of not just being a good person but a good mother in the future. A mother whose love is not measured by blood, but of how big is her heart. Selfless. Full of love and forgiveness. A love much to give and overflowing. That is her. She wants nothing more but her child's comfort and happiness.

I love you Ma! ❤

Thank you for loving me with no hesitations nor conditions. I will forever be thankful to God for you.

Moon Love 🌜

Moon Love 🌚

Painted  this 08/02/19

She held the moon  the way

she held her own heart,

as if it was the only light

that could guide her through the darkest nights.

- Chrissie Pinney

Jeepney Love Story

Let me share my unforgettable Jeepney Love Story...

(which happened a week ago) Hahaha! 😂

Background of the story:

I have crush at work for years now and he is my happy pill. Nothing really serious, just someone I see from a far and get "kilig" in his presence. He is someone I always see in the hallway, in the pantry or the guy I almost bumped into. Like, I always see him from the big crowd. Yes, I know him by name. I have my sources. Hahaha! 😂 #StalkingSkills 

But if he knew me, that, I am not sure. Recently, something happened over Linkedin. Months ago, I viewed his profile. When I checked it back, he viewed mine as well. With Linkedin, the name of the person who viewed you appears, so, what will I do? Hahaha. He might probably knew me now and would probably think I am stalking him. (I am) 😜

❤❤❤

So, the jeepney story happened one night. I was on my way to work, and I am running late, it was almost 10pm. I was the first to seat and I sat near the jeepney door. Then, about 3 to 4 passengers to go, I saw him at the door. He looked at me. I was shocked and I really hope it didn't appear in my face that moment. So, he entered and sat beside me. Yes, beside me, OMG!! And I remember it right, there was no available space beside me but he made a way to have a little space so he can sit. I really don't know what to do. Few seconds later, he gave his fare, then I remember, how would I gave my fare to the driver. There was no other way but for him to get mine. I was so hesitant, but I don't have a choice. So, I modulate my voice, act normal and gave my fare. Hahaha! I really feel awkward that time. So, he went to get my fare. 😊 I can't even remember if I said thank you (I think, I did). We were so close. His elbows are already touching mine's. As in. My heart is exploding! ❤ Hahaha. So, when we got off the jeep, I went out first, and tried to act and walk normal. I really don't know what to do. Waaaaaah!! But my normal walk is really fast and he was few meters behind me. Then he went to 7-11 that is the only time I got to finally relax. Woooo!!

What was on my mind:

Did it really happen? Why would he sit beside me, on the first place, there was no enough space in there. Did he knew me? Did he recognize me as that girl in Linkedin who stalked him, I mean viewed him? Waaaah.. I really don't know the answers. I don't want to make any move or do anything crazy. But I am definitely kilig in his presence. Yeah.. I want to know him personally and be friends with him. I hope the next time I bumped into him, he would smile and for sure, I will smile back. But this is all I can do from now... To be kilig from a far.

So, here is Yeng Constantino with Jeepney Love Story

https://youtu.be/L5MeBNrst5s

Much Love,

Jazel ❤

How Was My 2018?

I know, it's been a while since the last time I write and as much as I want to, I've been very busy with a lot of things, and sleeping is one of them. So let me talk about how my 2018 had been.

January - I had a quick escape from the busy city, to be able to think and breath. A week after, I finally end up my 7 years relationship. It was hard, its sad, but it feels like more of a relief. I was able to finally let go of what was preventing me to be genuinely happy.

February - Fiesta! It's my first time to invite friends over. It was something I am not into, but I am happy to get out of my shell and try new things. On the other hand, Valentines Day came normal. Hahaha! Wear yellow for moving on.

March - I went Visita Iglesia alone. Yes. I managed to travel from one church to another (in which, my first time to visit most of the churches). And I went to my Holy Week routine without him, and I am definitely fine. I saw him there but tried to ignore that he was there. It's also my first time to help arranged the Easter fountain, and its beautiful. And this is one of the most unforgettable Easter Vigil mass I had witnessed and attended. Donna cried! Hahaha! And we had a quick Mcdo meal to lighten things up.

April - New department, new position, new schedule, new job. I am now a nocturnal! Hello to my Global Payroll Team! 💜 Finally, I am part of the payroll team. I also went into a pilgrimage with Kitty with her church mates around churches in Batangas. It's my first time, and I enjoyed it so much! Hopefully, I can join again next time.

May - It's the first time I welcomed my birthday in the office. In the past 7 years, I would escape from work, and have the day for myself, my family or with him. This time, I'm alone. It felt unusual and weird at the same time to welcome and end the day working.

June - We had prepared the first bridal shower of Chicks. It was a stay cation in Tagaytay. It rained hard and we went through a lot just to be in Tagaytay. Good thing, our surprised bridal shower for Kitty was a success! And eating bulalo was an added joy to this trip.

July - Kitty got married! And of course, the three of us (still missing Peanut) are there to witness the special event. It was one special day for my best friend and we are truly happy that she had met and waited the right guy for her. And on the side note, they keep teasing me to my partner. 

August - After how many years we finally visit Camiguin. We celebrated lolo's 98th birthday and tour around the island. It is also my first time to meet her, and somehow, I feel better? I think. 3 days is not enough. I've missed the province. A lot seems to be different but it still feels home.

September - A quick tour around Intramuros with the Global Payroll Team.

October - We went through something in the family and I am blessed to visit and touch the heart relic of Padre Pio in Manila Cathedral. I was there on the first day and a lot of devotees came to line up just to see the relic. I never expect myself in that big crowd. All I wanted was to see him, but I was able to touch and talked to Padre Pio. I feel really blessed that day. The same month, we also had a retreat at MLC and it was something very peaceful and heartfelt. I was able to let my heart out and share my problem through confession.

November - Nothing I can remember so significant. I think, I was just busy at work with the transition we have in the new payroll system.

December - Hello Baguio! The payroll team went to Baguio for the weekend. We are able to tour around, visit Ben Cab Museum and saw Ben Cabrera in person. It was my first time in Baguio, and I really enjoyed this weekend trip. And since I now work at night, I have managed going to Simbang Gabi in Makati just to complete the 9 days novena. I've been working during Christmas, and that week was intense because we are busy transitioning at work.

My 2018 overall is a new beginning for me. I am getting myself back. To try new things. Do the things I want to do, go to places I miss going and to new places I've never been. I have met new people as well. But I know, I shouldn't be pressured. I still need time to think and be happy on my own. 

So, that was it. I know that this post is long overdue. This has been in my drafts for a while. I wanted to write more and express myself more and before I do that, I think I just need to finish this post first.

Until my next post. Chao!

Happy Birthday Donna! 🎂 08.20.18

It's the birthday of one of my closest and bestest friend ever and I can't thank her enough for everything in our 8 years of friendship. As I say, my "constant" in this world of "people come and go".

So, here's the video I made for her birthday. It is just so happy to laugh about how our journey as friends developed to what we are now. To being so thin to chubby, to being silent to loud, to becoming matured individuals and how our faith made us who we are now.

I always have your back.

Much Love,
Jazel 💛

Surprise Bridal Shower for Kitty! 🎉

Surprise! 🎉

We had booked for an out of town trip not just to bond, but also to surprise our dear Kitty for a simple bridal shower. And after long talks, finalizing our schedules, we ended up to a staycation in Tagaytay.

It was June 11, and it was raining hard, very windy and Metro Manila is in flood. We supposed to meet at 11am but ended up at 2 or 3pm because we cannot pass through the flood and LRT operations has been cancelled for a time. Yes, this was indeed a memorable trip to remember, because despite all the delays we have managed to push through this event. Anything for Kitty. ❤

Finally, we are here! Literal na mga basang sisiw! As we settled, Kitty and Dorothy went out to buy our dinner, and me and Germie did the decorating. Yes, we only had an hour to finish everything, and tadan! Mission Accomplished!! We just had dinner, fitted our gowns, played Uno and watched Midnight Sun and then go to sleep.

The next day (June 12), after having a quick breakfast, good thing, the sun is a little out already we had time to go out and explore our beautiful view of the Taal. We had a delicious brunch out, in a very cozy resto nearby then pack our things up by 12nn. We stop by to buy pasalubong and headed home.

So, that is it. That's our quick trip to Tagaytay and how simple our happiness is. Just goofing around each other, good talk, good food, good laughs and we are okay. Having these girls around for almost 15 years says it all. Through ups and downs and all the seasons of life, we will gonna be there for each other. So, here's a video compilation of our Tagaytay trip / surprise bridal shower for Kitty. 😍

It's Over!

"Let him go, baby girl. Let him go and move the hell on. You need to make space in your heart for someone who has the capacity to love you just as much as you love them."

And Yes, I can now say it's over.

It has been 6 long years, and I think that was enough. I should have LOVE myself MORE. I thought, with enough time, I can make things work, but sadly, it didn't. I did all my best. I had invest so much in this relationship, and now, it hurts so much to end it this way.

I had spent a lot of my "firsts" with him.

My first boyfriend..

My first real love, and my first real heartbreak.

I always look forward to weekends because of him.

Lunch and Dinner is at best every Saturday because Mama cooks for him.

Meriendas are best spent with him.

I gain weight because I had shared every meal with him.

I manage to watch basketball games for him.

I get to know my "crazy side" because of him.

Late nights were spent talking to him.

My past Misa de Gallos and Mahal na Araw were with him.

He had been my constant buddy in everything I do.

Someone who know me to well and had manage to deal with my moods and craziness. He had witnessed all the ups and downs of my life and in my family.

But most days, when I just need someone to talk to, or the times I needed someone to pick me up, I had no one but me. I always go home late in the evening from work and I can't remember if there was a initiative from him to wait for me or pick me up. There were a lot of days I want to spend with him, but I always hear the same reasons over and over again. Same reasons that hurts me. He would always say he loves me, but I always end up questioning that. Because I always feel left behind. Unwanted. Unloved. I was not the priority. I always ask for time and for attention.

Maybe you'll think that I was too much on him, that I was selfish and too demanding. No, I am not, I just want what I deserve. I know and I understand that there are things he needs to do and prioritize, and that is fine with me. He is free to do what he wants. I just needed him to say it to me. To be conscious enough to make me feel I am not ignored. But most of the time, I would end up waiting the whole day not hearing from him where he was or what happen to him.

Every time things get wrong, I would always think for that one big reason why I am still here for him. That reason, that always make my heart melts.. that, I love him.. I love him too much that I always do all the understanding and adjusting. Reasons I myself can't fully figure out why. I love him for reasons I can't understand.

Its hard to handle everything ALONE. That this relationship should be a working partnership. I need him to make extra EFFORT, but most of the time, there is none.

This wasn't easy. It took me 6 years, because I thought WE can work this out. But if its only ME, it wouldn't work. I needed him to be serious and be matured enough that LOVE is not all about the sweet and happy things alone. That it is something that he should take care and nourish. Time will come, I will be too tired to understand the same reasons over and over again.. and I think, I just did..

Because if he truly loves me, he will do the impossible just to make things work.

and to finally end this...

"The wrong person makes YOU beg for attention, affection, love and commitment. The right person gives you these things because they love you."

Hello Again!! - talking about my First Love

Hi!!

Its been a long time since the last time I write, or I may say, blog.
Sorry guys  (as if may bumabasa ng blog ko, lol).

Anyway.. I've been busy with a lot of things. Of course, work.. then, I've been reunited with my first love, ARTS.. I wish I can come up writing about it very soon. As well as posting those little paper flowers or the finished products of my playful imagination with watercolors and brush pens. For the past months, I divulge in coloring, painting, paper quilling and calligraphy.

I have always love my Arts and EPP classes in grade school. I was even part of the Homemaker's Club (EPP) where I learned how to make flowers made of plastic drinking straws. I always enjoyed it. Combining colors, cutting pieces of paper, putting things together and creating a new masterpiece. Yes. I always see it that way. That you were able to make new things out of your playful imagination.

I actually didn't know I am good on this. I don't even consider myself one. I am just enjoying every bit of it, and how I'll be able to pull it off into something beautiful. 

I remember, I don't even know how to draw when I was in elementary. My mom would even ask someone to make my projects. That's how bad it was? Hahaha.. Maybe, that's the turning point where in I tried doing it on my own without the help of anyone. It may not be perfect, but it was not bad at all. My first drawings were dresses and gowns. Yes. It was my childhood dream to become a Fashion Designer. I remember playing and imagining myself one. But, what happened? Hahaha. I just felt that it was not the right choice of course that moment.

Oh well.. Moving forward.. art projects in school made me express myself into it, not knowing that I was doing good on it. But how did I know I was good? My projects / artworks were chosen to be displayed in exhibits and in our room. So, it feels like that I did good on it.. I hope so.. Hahaha... :)

High school and college came, I came expressing myself in Arts through the things I gave my friends. Fancy hand made letters, lettering of their name in glitters or colored sand, a simple drawing or craft. And them, appreciating it, already means a lot to me. I love the "personalized" things more than gifts you'll just buy from the mall. And, that's me in a more personal level..

I hope that in my next posts, I will be able to share more of what I love. Until my next..

Chaio!

Change..

Its been a while since my last post. A lot just happened. Usually, I would write to express what I feel but this time around, I felt that I just needed some quiet time alone. I got myself busy with arts, crafts and some travel on the side. It was summer anyway. My birthday pass as if it was just one ordinary day. Nothing really significant or memorable. And exactly a month ago, I cut off my hair short. Yes. It has never been this short. The last short hair I had was in 3rd year college, but it was longer than what I had now. I am too was shock on how short it become. Well I guess, this was done on purpose. Besides the hot weather, it was also a way for me to cut off all the pain I had inside. I know there was sadness in me, but I never cry. I kept myself strong enough to be okay. What I did was to love and appreciate myself more. I treat myself with the food I love and the things I wanted. I watched movies and spent it with family. Enjoy. Do things you love to do. Because when everything gets broken, it was only YOU who can fix yourself. You need to stand again and face the world with a better version of yourself. And I guess, I did..

Sorry for the selfies.. 

 Much Love!!

A DREAM I KNOW WILL NEVER HAPPEN

I woke up today with a dream I know will never happen.

Why do we still dream of someone who is already out of our lives? I mean, yes, you are friends, but there was no a "hi-hello" thing or anything that keeps you connected. Yes. he was once important to you and treat you as the best-est friend ever, but then everything was gone. As much as I want to think that he is still there for me, I know everything is different now.

I dreamt of him, giving me a bouquet of flowers on my birthday which is few days from now. 

Very impossible I know. He don't even know how to say "hi". He don't message me. We don't talk nor see each other anymore. He won't even like or react to any of my FB post. I never felt his presence from a long time now. I have greeted him during the holidays (Christmas & New Year) but there was no reply. I greeted him on his birthday and sent him a very long message, and I actually don't remember his reply as it was as short as it was.

This is not to say that he was a bad person or a bad friend. I know that he recognizes the things I did and been doing until now. I just miss him. I actually miss telling him everything and expressing myself. I miss talking to him. I guess, I just needed someone to talk to right now.

He was my high school best friend (as what he said). He has been my constant listener and adviser. But when you got busy, meet new people in life and found your love story, you've gone to leave some friends behind your new found happiness. I guess that is the reason why everything was different now.

I have been into a lot the past days and weeks. I am trying to be okay. To divert all the sadness and loneliness into happiness. I have gone watching a movie, cut my hair short and even went out of town with friends. But no matter how happy I have felt, at the end of the day before I sleep, I know that there is something missing.

In a few days, will be my birthday and nothing really to expect, especially now. And to dream that your ONCE supposed to be guy-bestfriend will give you flowers on your birthday is just an imagination. I haven't received a bouquet my entire life, much more from someone I wasn't able to talk nor saw for a long time now. But why did I dreamt of him? So, what does this dream implies now?

That dreams are opposites of what will happen in reality..

I guess...