How Are You Now?

Hello there! 👋

This will just be a quick write up of how I am now. I've been really wanting to write but a lot happened and I think, I was also too lazy to pick myself up from bed and bring together my thoughts. Today, I just want to burst out everthing I feel. As you know, I always have this birthday blues where in, I think on things too much and gets emotional.

I had my birthday almost a month ago but nothing really special happened. As in, nothing! This is the first time that I will spending it at the office and working because I normally take a leave during my birthday and escape my officemates. Hahaha! But two days before that, we had a simple pizza-pasta meal with my team. And since I am working on night shift now, I felt I welcomed it twice in the office, Tuesday shift from 22nd to 23rd, and Wednesday shift from 23rd to 24th. It was a normal day I even went to Divisoria that morning to buy additional stuff to the project I am preparing. No extra ordinary food on our table, no sweet surprises, no eating out or any kind of celebration. And to be honest, I am totally fine with it. I am not really the type who celebrate birthdays. All this time, I thought I turned off my birthday notifications on FB, but it didn't, so yeah.. they know it's my birthday and I've been replying everyone for their greetings. But next year, promise, I'll make sure that it will not appear anymore and people who knew me well will be the only one who will greet me. Hahaha! Lol. 😂 I really appreciate it more when it's something personal and intimate. And ohh.. what was exciting about my birthday is 1st - my starbucks free cake, and I picked purple yam, and 2nd, the free dirty ice cream at the office!🍦 So happy for the free items! 😁

So, how am I? What was I thinking?

~ I am still embracing the fact that I am now single in all aspects. That I need to face things alone without nobody to be with, or nobody to share with. And yes, it sucks! There was a day, I felt missing him or maybe, I just miss all the "feelings" I used to feel. It takes time to move everything forward and seven years is long enough to be forgotten. I just miss loving. To prepare things for someone, to cook for him, take care of him, to talk to him about anything and just be my normal sweet self. It's so hard! But don't worry, I have accepted the fact that it is over. No more pain. I just need to move on with the things "I used to" do. It's ok. It's ok not to be ok. Sometimes, you need a time alone to think and embrace the sadness, or the loneliness. You need to let it go, and after a while, I know you will come out stronger. This has been a big step forward for me. It feels so independent. Feels so strong that I was able to fight over my soft heart. So here I am, spending my time with friends and the things I miss doing like arts and reading, or just simply taking the opportunity to sleep and sleep.

I don't know if I am afraid to be alone, I really don't know. But I am afraid not finding or meeting the right person for me. Like, how? Or where will I find him? I know, I still have time and I am not rushing on things, but I am really wishing and praying that God will give me the right person in His perfect time. 🙏

So, that's it. Don't worry, I am ok, and it's also ok if I am not. I have lot of things to do, so, I'll just get myself busy and forget all those sadness and loneliness away.

Chao! 💋