Huwag mong sosolohin. Di ka mag-isa ♡

A post was caught me in twitter. I rarely comment or reply, but when I read it, I just felt like replying to it and I was happy I did. I've been emotional for the past few days and that post seems like talking to me that very moment. Maybe it is the message I wanna hear. And suddenly, I felt someone just comforted me. Like a warm hug that says, "I got you" and "you have nothing to worry about". You know who post it or what is the post about? Hmmm..

It was a tweet from Ben&Ben..

Yup, another one from Ben&Ben caught me speechless. Remember the last time, I was listening to their playlist and I was able to write a poem after. Ohh mmmgeeee.. what is this? They already got me. Few days after, I heard these words again in one of their songs. So this is actually lyrics from their song, "Susi" that happened to be a soundtrack of "Goyo: Ang Batang Heneral", a Filipino movie about one of our heroes and great soldier, Heneral Gregorio del Pilar. So this is not a love song after all, but a song of bravery and strength.

The verse goes like..

Balikan kung bakit ba nagsimula

Bago mo sabihin na ayaw mo na

Huwag mong sosolohin

Di ka mag-isa

Ikaw pa rin ang susi sa takbo ng iyong tadhana.

And I don't know but it made me reply, "Ang hirap kimkimin ang lahat. Andoon sa isang sulok at umiiyak." Wow, it even rhyme unexpectedly. And you know what, that is exactly how I felt. I was alone, and feeling everthing on my shoulders and I can't do anything but be in a corner and cry. Somewhere where no one can see or hear me. But here is Ben&Ben, saying not to keep it from myself and that I am not alone. Very very timely. As if it was God's indirect way of saying to me that I have Him. *goosebumps*

I do pray. A lot actually. But there are these moments in our lives that things get heavy and we have no one to shared it with. It is also in my personality to keep things with myself. It was hard. It is always a struggle. But let us remember to seek to Him when everything seems to be heavy to carry. He may not physically be there but trusting him will make the load lighter.

"Huwag mong sosolohin. Di ka mag-isa." ♡

Poetic Reading : Paalam

This is one of the poems I wrote few years ago, entitled, "Paalam". Words of this poem is in a separate entry in this blog. Just go to "Poems". 

So, since I was stuck at home because of the enhance quarantine and kinda miss reading aloud. Out of the blue, I found this poem and decided to read and record it. I liked how it turned out. I felt it somehow. 

As I mentioned in my previous blog about this poem, I wrote it in a man's point of view. It is a guy who is talking in this poem. But actually, it can be anyone. Someone who was left behind. Someone who needs comfort to accept the sad truth about goodbyes. How to cope up with such a loss. How to accept promises that were broken and how to deal missing the happy moments of once a happy story. The sad truth is, there is an ending.

Hope this finds you comfort as you say goodbye and accept goodbyes..

And please, after this, stand up again. Move on. And be ready for your next adventure. There may be a goodbye, but there will be a new beginning waiting for you.

Love,
Jayz ❤

Purple Sky

Last November, I had an amazing trip with my friends in San Felipe, Zambales. Finally, some vitamin sea, sand and sun. The view definitely not failed us. It's been a while since the last time I gaze the sunset sky. I have been working at night for a year now and I haven't been out that time of the day. It's my first time to get awe with a beautiful sunset. A perfect purple pink sky that is ready to cover the sea. It was mesmerizing. So beautiful, I can't imagine it really happen. I am falling in love with it. 

Take the time to stop and think,
and watch the sky turns purple pink. 💜

Paano Kung Tayo

I am alone in the office, and Ben&Ben songs played in my background. There was a pen and paper in front of me, and I began to write while waiting for the report running in my computer. It was very random. Very raw emotions filling me in. Maybe this is something my heart wants me to write for a while now.

So, here's my quick poem while listening to Ben&Ben.

PAANO KUNG TAYO

Minsan naisip ko

Paano kung tayo?

Paano kung tulad tayo ng mga

magkasintahan na nakikita ko?

Nagtatawanan.. Sweetsweetan..

Magkadikit.. Nagkwekwentuhan..

Hindi mapaghiwalay.. Naghaharutan..

May ngiti sa bibig,

May kinang sa mga mata,

Hindi maipaliwanag na saya.

Pero, napahinto ako..

Para atang imposible kung titignan ko.

Isang pangarap na parang malabo,

Napakataas, hindi ko maabot,

Napakailap, hindi ko mahawakan,

Napakabilis, hindi ko mahabol.

Paano magiging tayo?

Lalapitan mo kaya ako para

tanungin ang pangalan ko?

Mapapatingin ka ba pag dumaan

ako sa harap mo?

Parang imposible talaga.

Ngunit sa isip isip ko, sana magkatotoo..

Sana, kaya mapansin ng tulad mo,

ang isang tulad ko.

Pero paano magiging tayo?

Sa dami ng tao sa paligid mo,

hindi mo mapapansin ang pagtingin ko.

Kaya, ang dasal ko, sana isang araw,
tumingin ka naman sa direksyon na ito.

At kung sakaling maging tayo..

Pangako, hindi ka na mag iisa.

Hindi ka na mag iisa doon sa upuang

lagi mong tinatambayan sa opisina.

Hindi ka na mag iisang kumain pa.

Tatawa ka na ulit gaya ng dati.

Aalagaan kita at sasamahan lagi.

At pag naging tayo, wala ng paano,

masasagot na ang lahat ng tanong ng puso mo.

xoxo
Jayz

Who needs a hug? 🤗 ME

I don't know. I just felt that I need a hug to calm me, to get myself back, to wake up and go on with my every day, positively. The past weeks have been so stressful and tiring. I don’t know the problem and why I feel this way. I just feel something is wrong. I feel that vibe that "I want to be happy, where I can be happy? What can make me happy?".

We ended up eating a lot. With all the burgers, fries, ice cream, Starbucks and milk tea, but it seems not to be enough. That there is still something missing in it.

And its different when you are alone. The emptiness and loneliness is more felt. You are alone in your room. You don't have anyone to talk to. And you don't know if anyone is really caring for you.

I just need a hug. The one that is long and warm. I just want to feel that I am loved. To feel that somebody is comforting and caring for me. And that everything will be okay. 😔

xoxo

Jayz

Gusto

May gusto akong sabihin,
isang bagay na hindi ko maamin.
Tila yata may kakaiba sa ihip ng hangin.
May kaba akong nadarama,
pintig ng puso ko'y may ibang kinakanta.

Bakit ganito?
Tila humihinto ang paligid ko.
Parang eksena sa pelikula kapag nagkatinginan na.
Paano ba ito?
Nahuhulog na ata ako.

Gusto kong tumakbo at kalimutan ang nararamdamang ito.
Gusto kong umiwas ng hindi tuluyang mahulog.
Gusto kong magpakalayo layo.
Gusto kong magtago at tuluyan ng sumuko.

Dahil sa dulo, alam kong masasaktan lang ako.
Dahil hanggang tingin lang kita sa malayo.
Isang tagahanga na may lihim na pagtingin.
At alam kong hindi mo ako mapapansin.

Gusto kita..
Gusto kita ngunit wag nalang muna..
Cguro, sa susunod na pagkakataon nalang
pag kaya ko ng maging matapang.

09.05.19

Moon Love 🌜

Moon Love 🌚

Painted  this 08/02/19

She held the moon  the way

she held her own heart,

as if it was the only light

that could guide her through the darkest nights.

- Chrissie Pinney