The One That Got Away

TOTGA (The One That Got Away)

A lot may be familiar with this phrase or tag line. This got me thinking when I heard it from the movie, "Ex with Benefits" of Derek Ramsay and Colleen Garcia last 2015. Though, I think this has been a very popular topic among friends, office mates and colleagues.

So.. who is the one that got away?

For me, it is that person who was once in your life when everything was perfect, everything is great and ideal, but the timing was just wrong. For reasons, things will not go the way you want it to be. And that person just got to be away..

According to http://www.urbandictionary.com

The One That Got Away
1. The mate from a past relationship or friendship who, in the present reality, seems the ideal match, if it weren't for some force beyond your control, fate or otherwise, keeping you apart.

2. In virtually any context, someone you meet and share a significant encounter with who holds qualities akin to "the one" but for circumstance sake you are separated from; always after the fact.

3. The person dated casually, but never seriously, who could have been more.

4. In Bro Parlance: The one girl who a guy liked but with whom he never quite connected or "scored".

5. More broadly, any love regret More apt: A One That Got Away.

Years passed, we got matured and a lot of things have changed. Then one day, for some "you don't know reasons", you'll wonder about the one that got away.

"What if he is here today?"

"What if we were together now?"

"What if things got okay?"
and that is probably the biggest "WHAT IF?" of your life - the one that got away.

So.. who is my Mr. TOTGA??

I met my "The One That Got Away" when I was in my senior year in high school, I was just 16. 

I met him 10 years ago in a text clan. I never expect myself to get into things like that, but then it just happen. I don't know him personally but he is one of those I really got close to. He is one person I enjoyed talking to. He knows how to listen and give his good point of view on things. His words are direct, meaningful and true. He is sweet and knows how to treat every girl right, with the right words to say and the gestures to show. He was the ideal guy. Well mannered, with good family values, God-fearing and the perfect gentleman. 

We have been regular text mates-phone pals for a year or two. We have been really good friends, and I couldn't deny that I was already falling for him that time. Who wouldn't anyway? But how will you love someone who you just met through text? Or someone you haven't personally met? I am let with the question, is this really love that I'm feeling?

I never had a boyfriend that time, and he knows that falling in love was not in my vocabulary, especially to someone who I just met through text. So, we remain very good friends, really close friends. Just friends. He never knew what I felt for him, and I am not sure if he have feelings for me too, but he was one of the sweetest, caring and thoughtful person I knew.

But even as friends, there was no perfect relationship. I actually forgot what happened wrong. I know there were a few misunderstandings but we were able to fix things up. There was no major fight or misunderstanding but things didn't get back the way they used to be. Plus that fact that both of us got busy in school and in our personal lives. No more texts or calls, or even messages in facebook. I just woke up one day that the "closeness" we have was already gone. But what we had is something special I really want to keep. That in every occasion - his birthday, Christmas and New Year, I would greet him. He or he may not reply, and its okay. I just want him to feel remembered by greeting him on those special events. So, that goes until today.

Last year (2015), I got a very thankful message from him when I greet him on his birthday. I was too happy, I even wrote it down in my journal. His message was really heartfelt and I can't help myself being so grateful that he did appreciate my efforts with our friendship after all these years. Christmas came, I got to message him and he replied. I tried to start a conversation by asking how he was but he might be busy that I got no reply. New Year came, and he was the first one to greet me. I was really surprised and touched of his message of appreciation to our friendship. 

About a month ago (January 2016), he posted something on facebook, which he rarely does and I just can't help but to comment on it. I congratulate him for his new endeavor as a pilot. Yes, he is a pilot. He went in an Aviation school. After college, he worked as an instructor and now, he will be leading to his dream path to finally go to places and fly. I am really happy for him. It was late in the evening, around 12am when I got the notification that he liked my comment. I immediately send him my personal message of congratulations, and wow.. he replied. To be honest, I was feeling excited. This might be a start of our catching up. And yes, we did. :D

He asked me if he can call, and I said yes. But there was a problem with his signal, so.. I'm the one who called. You just don't know how nervous I was. My hands are getting cold and I am already shivering. I was so tense! After how many years, I would hear his voice and I would talk to him again. The feeling is really weird. Hahaha. But I was totally happy. He sounded different, a much matured man I must say. But he was still the same friend who was very concerned. He felt I was going into something that he throw lot of questions to me and what I've been through. He who would listen attentively and give his personal views. That fact that he was there to listen to me is a big thing for me. He is one person you would love talking to. There were some dead air at first as I don't know what to say, but after a while, we were back on tract. I missed this guy who has been my favorite listener and adviser.

We reminisce the old times, and he came up with the very awkward question.. "naging tayo ba?". I got really shocked when I heard his question and I don't know what to say, I paused for a while and carry a loud laugh, "Hindi. Hahaha.." Then, he said, "Hindi naging tayo? Pero bakit ung closeness natin dati grabe at sa lahat ikaw ung naalala ko, tapos hindi naging tayo?" Yes. there was never really an "us", but I think we acted as if we were (then). So maybe thats why, ours was special. We have built a wonderful friendship and wonderful memories.

That was an amazing night, we really got some good catching up. We went back in those old days, and find ourselves laughing on them. Like that moment I sang for him, and he sang for me. That moment when we first met (and that he don't remember it but its a good thing he didn't). :) I shared to him that I wrote a story inspired by meeting him. That as of writing is still open ended. It has been 10 years when I met him, and 8 years since I started writing the story and I just don't know how to end it until now. He requested for a copy of it even if it was not yet finished, and I promise to send him a copy. We had a long talk, and I remember ending it at around 3am. Thank you. Just when I needed someone to talk to, he was there.

The next day, I send him the story I wrote. Just screenshots from the pages of the notebook where it was written (21 pages). Hopefully, I can post it here in my blog too when I'm done writing it. After sending the story, I read it again and I felt awkward. Did I really send it to him? Waaah.. though it was partly imagination, part of it was real. And to my surprise, the last part of the story also speaks about the one who got away - him on her, and her on him (gets?). Then, I got a reply from him later that day.

"Hey I just finished reading everything. I had mixed emotions. Hehe. I felt flattered and somehow guilty. But overall I really enjoyed and appreciate it. I'm really grateful to have you. You have always been there and kept our friendship alive. You're that one special person I can always count on. And I hope that nothing will change. Thanks for being my epleyn, epleyn. :) "

I am vey happy he likes my story and as always, I am touched with the good words he says. From that last message, there was no messages from him again. I felt shy to take the first move to say "Hi". He might be busy in his new work, or his girlfriend might be bothered if I text or call him, and so.. I am waiting for him if ever he reply again.

Now, I am writing this blog about the one who got away. Yes, he was the one that got away. Before, I came on thinking why we didn't got into that deeper kind of relationship. That how I wish I was brave enough to risk what I feel. Everything seems to be perfect and I just woke up one day that I lost what we have. Though we are on speaking terms now, I miss everything we used to have. The way he treats me and the happiness I felt for the simple things he does for me. I really have a lot of "what if's" until now.

But we are both in a happy place in our lives now. We are both in a long term relationship with our respective partners. But one thing is for sure, I will treasure everything we have, especially our friendship. Though we rarely talk to each other, and I don't know him much personally, I am still looking forward to know him more and that I will always be here, to be his friend until the end of time. We may not know God's plan why we met on the first place, but lets stick to His words that every people we meet in life has a purpose and has a special part in our journey. I just know, I was destined to know you, and keep you.

All the best Paylot! I will always be here.

Much love, <3 Epleyn.