Cry Baby

I just felt writing my thoughts at this very moment. I actually wanted to share this in my fb account, but I guess this is way too personal, I better share it here in my blog.

I am not good in expressing myself in front of people. I was so shy and it feels awkward at times. I really can't be that person who can be vocal with her real feelings. So, I usually wrote it down through letters and short notes.

Earlier today, I had my moment with Wapo. We are actually watching tv with my parents who were seated in front of us. I've been thinking a lot lately, and there were things I wanted to tell him, but I don't know how to start. So, I started to wrote it down in a piece of paper. I was already teary eyed but I'm not letting myself to cry. I handed it over to him, not meeting his eyes. I was still looking down. Then after a while, he reached for me, and gave me a hug. Then, for some "I don't know reason", that hug just hit my heart and I started to cry in his embrace. It was so painful that I wanted to cry it aloud, but thinking that my parents were there, I tug myself in his arms and hug him back tight. He started telling me, whispering, "Ano bang nangyayari sayo, bakit ka umiiyak? Gusto ka nila. Ako ung ayaw nila para sayo." He was comforting me. I was trying to cover his mouth with my hand that I don't want him to further say anything that my parents might hear. Also, I don't want to hear those excuses again, because no matter what he says, nothing has changed, it still hurts the same.

I really don't know what came up in my mind that this happen. I was keeping (AGAIN) these thoughts in my head for quite a while. For the past days, I was even pushing myself away. 

"Sabihin mo, hindi ka na pupunta sa amin, hihiwalayan mo na ako, para payagan ka lang sumama."

This has been one of the many things we are going through for the past years. I really can't talk about it that much, but maybe you already have an idea of what is it about.

I was just tuck in Wapo's arms until I'm done crying, then, I started to laugh. I left his shirt so wet not just in tears but also with snot. Hahahaha!! Sorry..

That actually how we end our dramas together. By such silly things to laugh with.

PS: I just love those kinds of hugs!!! >>> ^.^ <<<