Birthday Blues

Oh hello again..

Just wanted to express my thoughts..

So, it was my birthday yesterday, and as usual... I always gets emotional with things I think OVER. Birthdays are not a big thing for me. It is usually just a normal day. As much as possible, I don't wanted people to know about it. I felt uneasy if people greeted me in person. But I do appreciate their greetings. Maybe, I'm just not the type who are up for celebrations, or I am just used to spent it as an ordinary day.

Birthdays for us is a simple lunch / dinner at home with family. Pancit or spaghetti will do. Since it falls on summer, I don't get to celebrate it with friends, growing up.

Friends? I am not the friendly type who do the first "hi" or "hello" thing. I am usually the quiet one who listens to you and give my thoughts. I am the caring & thoughtful one. I gain friends from school, and now, at work. I just had a small group of friends. Growing up, I had spent most days at home playing with myself and my only cousin. I had no friends besides her. My childhood is not a bad one, but as you noticed, its not as exciting as most kids had.

Maybe that is one reason why I value friendship so much. That when I get close with someone and get too much attached, I value and treasure her / him so much. I am too caring & thoughtful, and that  particular "friend" is special in all ways. It was an automatic treatment and gesture.

So.. why I get emotional again?

Since, I only have a small group of friends, I would know who were there and who were not. Them remembering my special day is something I really appreciate. They know how I love long messages and heart warming greetings.

And it always saddened me whenever one slowly get out of that small circle after he / she had found new friends. After some time, busy schedules and distance will keep you apart. Soon, you'll get no reply after efforts of sending hello's and how are you's.

Since its my birthday, I remember them... and suddenly felt this feeling.. "people will leave you despite all your efforts and the good things you did  for them, when they found new ones who they get along with." I may not be the exciting friend everyone wants. Nor the clown that gives the life & energy of the group, but I am the one who would listens and take cares of you. 

I miss them..
And now, I fear of getting close to new friends and end up with the same sad story...