What are the chances?

Hey! It's love month and few days before Valentine's Day. And here I am trying to write again especially with all these things in my mind. All the hugots from the people around me, from the dramas I watched or just random feeling I felt or something that crossed my mind.

What are the chances?

What are the chances that we can't love back the person who likes us, especially if that is a good person? That is why there is this dating stage to further know the person. Well, for me, it is not about the looks or whatever, it is still the connection. I know, maybe when we are younger, that matters to us. But today, in this age, me personally, wants someone who can connect with me. Who can understand my silence and respects it. Someone who will not judge, but understands even if he doesn't know the whole story. A life partner. Someone that brings you smile despite doing nothing. Who can stay with you, keep you safe and protect you. Someone who listens more than talk. Whose priority is to make you happy. A relationship built with a good foundation of friendship.

What are the chances of being brave enough to confess your feelings for a good friend? Friendship between a girl and a guy is possible, but most of the time, the other may fall for the other. It may be mutual or one sided but how brave are you of the chances? How will you know if you don't ask? I know this is one of the hardest things to do, especially if something is at stake - your friendship. It may break, or advance your relationship to the next level but falling for your bestfriend is also a best feeling, right? So, go for it! You will never know the answer unless you try.

If he is not for it, then someone is out there for you. If he walk away after confessing your feelings and you lose the friendship eventually, then maybe he don't value what you have. If you went for it and it fails, at least, you were able to learn from it and hopefully, you can still be friends after. And if you go for it and found yourselves happy, congratulations! Keep what you have and treasure it.

What are the chances of loving someone else despite the fact of being in a relationship? Hmm.. that is complicated! Why fall for someone when you are committed? It is not just a matter of being faithful, but also being confuse of who do you really love. You need to assess and decide. Will you leave your relationship for a new found love? How sure are you of the new one? Maybe you are just mistaken of what you feel. Are you still happy? Whatever your decision may be, someone might get hurt, just make sure to go out of situation in good terms for both - the one you are in relationship with, and the new one. Let us not judge those in this situation, it is possible to happen even with the nicest person.

What are the chances to go running back to your ex? Are you open to give second chance a try? That maybe this time around, you can fix what have gone wrong and give love a chance to get back on you. There is nothing really wrong about it, it may work out, it may not. For me, it all depends on the foundation of what you used to have. Go back where you started feeling the kilig, maybe you can pick it from there to start a new one again. I guess you will just feel it, if it is worth to try again.

What are the chances of you breaking up because of long distance relationship? This may work out for some, and may not work out for many. I believe it is because we wanted love to be felt in the presence of our partners physically. Someone you can see, touch, hug and kiss. We are so affectionate we need assurance of love to be seen through that. But why does it work for some? Again, let us go back to the foundation of the relationship. How well do you know each other? How can trust be so significant with it. We are all different, and LDR may not be possible for all, but always remember that trust is a big part of any relationship, may it be far or near, seen or not. Work out to build a good foundation in your relationship and you will never be in doubt.

What are the chances of breaking up from your long time relationship? It is possible, no matter how we try to keep one relationship healthy, it can break apart. How long is long? Like 5 years, 7 years, 10 years? It is actually not on numbers anymore. It can happen to anyone even to married couples. Don't let the number of years define the relationship, it is the journey how you kept the relationship strong despite the problems you faced along the way all those years. If it is not healthy anymore and it doesn't work out, don't hesitate or double think to let it go. It will never be a waste of time. Maybe it is not yet your "the one".

As what they say, in the end, we only regret the chances we didn't take, relationships we were afraid to have, and the decisions we waited too long to make. Chances don't approach you, it's you who approaches the chances.

Take this chance because you never know how perfect what is waiting for you.

 

Personality Type: Defender

I came across this personality test in google and discover my personality type. And well, this says a lot about me. I even wonder how near it is to perfection. I believe, we know ourselves way better than others, but in one way or another there was this piece of it for discovery. Something like, it is there but we just ignore it. Or maybe we are too focused on something and cannot see what is beyond there. Or, we just don’t admit it!

So, I am sharing the link so that others can find out their personality type too. It is a free test, so just click on it and answer the questions as true as you can be.

 https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test

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Initially, I plan to share the whole text / description of my personality type and comment on it, but I think that will be too long and boring. So, I will Just insert a few descriptions and let us talk about it in the end.

Here is my result - I am a DEFENDER

Credits: https://www.16personalities.com/isfj-personality

A Defender (ISFJ) is someone with the Introverted, Observant, Feeling, and Judging personality traits. These people tend to be warm and unassuming in their own steady way. They are efficient and responsible, giving careful attention to practical details in their daily lives.

The Defender personality type is quite unique, as many of their qualities defy the definition of their individual traits. Though sensitive, Defenders have excellent analytical abilities; though reserved, they have well-developed people skills and robust social relationships; and though they are generally a conservative type, Defenders are often receptive to change and new ideas. As with so many things, people with the Defender personality type are more than the sum of their parts, and it is the way they use these strengths that defines who they are.

Defenders are true altruists, meeting kindness with kindness-in-excess and engaging the work and people they believe in with enthusiasm and generosity.

If I Can Protect You, I Will - Defender personalities are a wonderful group, rarely sitting idle while a worthy cause remains unfinished. Defenders’ ability to connect with others on an intimate level is unrivaled among Introverts, and the joy they experience in using those connections to maintain a supportive, happy family is a gift for everyone involved. They may never be truly comfortable in the spotlight, and may feel guilty taking due credit for team efforts, but if they can ensure that their efforts are recognized, Defenders are likely to feel a level of satisfaction in what they do that many other personality types can only dream of.

Defender Strengths

 • Supportive – Defenders are the universal helpers, sharing their knowledge, experience, time and energy with anyone who needs it, and all the more so with friends and family. People with this personality type strive for win-win situations, choosing empathy over judgment whenever possible.

• Reliable and Patient – Rather than offering sporadic, excited rushes that leave things half finished, Defenders are meticulous and careful, taking a steady approach and bending with the needs of the situation just enough to accomplish their end goals. Defenders not only ensure that things are done to the highest standard, but often go well beyond what is required.

• Imaginative and Observant – Defenders are very imaginative, and use this quality as an accessory to empathy, observing others’ emotional states and seeing things from their perspective. With their feet firmly planted on the ground, it is a very practical imagination, though they do find things quite fascinating and inspiring.

• Enthusiastic – When the goal is right, Defenders take all this support, reliability and imagination and apply it to something they believe will make a difference in people’s lives – whether fighting poverty with a global initiative or simply making a customer’s day.

• Loyal and Hard-Working – Given a little time, this enthusiasm grows into loyalty – Defender personalities often form an emotional attachment to the ideas and organizations they’ve dedicated themselves to. Anything short of meeting their obligations with good, hard work fails their own expectations.

• Good Practical Skills – The best part is, Defenders have the practical sense to actually do something with all this altruism. If mundane, routine tasks are what need to be done, Defenders can see the beauty and harmony that they create, because they know that it helps them to care for their friends, family, and anyone else who needs it.

Defender Weaknesses

• Humble and Shy – The meek shall inherit the earth, but it’s a long road if they receive no recognition at all. This is possibly Defenders’ biggest challenge, as they are so concerned with others’ feelings that they refuse to make their thoughts known, or to take any duly earned credit for their contributions. Defenders’ standards for themselves are also so high that, knowing they could have done some minor aspect of a task better, they often downplay their successes entirely.

• Take Things Too Personally – Defenders have trouble separating personal and impersonal situations – any situation is still an interaction between two people, after all – and any negativity from conflict or criticism can carry over from their professional to their personal lives, and back again.

• Repress Their Feelings – People with the Defender personality type are private and very sensitive, internalizing their feelings a great deal. Much in the way that Defenders protect others’ feelings, they must protect their own, and this lack of healthy emotional expression can lead to a lot of stress and frustration.

• Overload Themselves – Their strong senses of duty and perfectionism combine with this aversion to emotional conflict to create a situation where it is far too easy for Defenders to overload themselves – or to be overloaded by others – as they struggle silently to meet everyone’s expectations, especially their own.

• Reluctant to Change – These challenges can be particularly hard to address since Defender personalities value traditions and history highly in their decisions. A situation sometimes needs to reach a breaking point before Defenders are persuaded by circumstance, or the strong personality of a loved one, to alter course.

• Too Altruistic – This is all compounded and reinforced by Defenders’ otherwise wonderful quality of altruism. Being such warm, good-natured people, Defenders are willing to let things slide, to believe that things will get better soon, to not burden others by accepting their offers of help, while their troubles mount unassisted.

On Romantic Relationships - When it comes to romantic relationships, Defenders’ kindness grows into a joy that is only found in taking care of their family and home, in being there for emotional and practical support whenever it’s needed. Home is where the heart is for people with the Defender personality type, and in no other area of their lives do they strive with such dedication to create the harmony and beauty they wish to see in the world.

 The trouble is, these are the benefits of an established long-term relationship, and Defenders’ unbearable shyness means it can take a long time to reach this point. Defenders are most attractive when they are simply being themselves in a comfortable environment such as work, where their natural flow shows this kindness and dedication. Relationships built on established familiarity are a warm prospect for Defenders – they take dating seriously and only enter into relationships that have a real chance of lasting a lifetime.

On Friendships - Given how generous Defenders are with their warm praise and support, it’s not surprising that others enjoy their company enough to call them friends. The challenge is to be considered a friend back – people with the Defender personality type are shy and a little protective of themselves, but they also need to be able to connect on a deeper emotional level. It makes sense then that most of Defenders’ friends are made not by random encounters on a wild night out, but through comfortable and consistent contact, as in class or in the workplace where they have the time to get to know each other little by little.

 Conclusion

Few personality types are as practical and dedicated as Defenders. Known for their reliability and altruism, Defenders are good at creating and maintaining a secure and stable environment for themselves and their loved ones. Defenders’ dedication is invaluable in many areas, including their own personal growth.

Yet Defenders can be easily tripped up in areas where their kindness and practical approach are more of a liability than an asset. Whether it is finding (or keeping) a partner, learning to relax or improvise, reaching dazzling heights on the career ladder, or managing their workload, Defenders need to put in a conscious effort to develop their weaker traits and additional skills.

 

COMMENT TIME!

I tried to shorten it as much as possible, but I just needed to put the strength and weaknesses of this personality type so you can understand US better. I have some words in bold for emphasis.

Overall, we are the reserved type of personality, being humble and shy in nature. But we have so much kindness in our hearts, so much of it, it tends to become a weakness rather than strength. The most used word in this description is altruistic, meaning “showing a disinterested and selfless concern for the well-being of others” or in simple words, “unselfish”. Yes, it can be too bad, I know. Maybe that is how we show our love, because since we are reserved and shy, we show it off in our actions. One way is by wanting other’s benefits before us. And most of the time, other people take advantage of that.

I hope, people will appreciate us, rather than take advantage of it. At the same time, it is for us to guard our actions, and make boundaries on how much we will give.

Hope you learned to understand DEFENDERS a little more.

For Tito 💖

I was devastated with the news that you are gone.

I immediately dialed your number and it rang.

I stopped after a few rings, afraid if it's true.

Then I texted you.. "Tito?"

Few minutes later, your number was calling me.

I said hello a few times but the voice sounds differently.

I started crying when I confirmed it's true

and even louder when they said the virus hit you.

I was speechless, I don't know what else to do.

I am heartbroken.

Why you?? 

With a heavy heart,

I ran towards my room crying.

I picture the last time you were here.

And remember how I promised to visit you

when I got the chance to travel in Cebu.

You were the second man besides Papa who I know would protect me.

Who never expressed it, but I always felt the love and concern you have for me.

So many childhood memories I will forever keep.
Happy stories I will miss.

Like the times, when you measure my height in the wall, checking if I a grew an inch or so.

The duty free days and bags of chocolates.

The danggit and otap pasalubong back home.

Your morning routine of reading the newspaper and answering crossword puzzles.

Your love for sport and how I got to watch basketball,

volleyball, boxing, billiards and tennis with you.

And because of you, I started knowing Serena, Venus, and Martina (in tennis).

Your love for watching and answering questions in a game show.

Your lotto afternoon habit and bringing food for dinner.

The after Sunday masses and the kakanin you would buy for breakfast.

And lastly, I will miss cooking for you.

That's you.

You always have something to share.

You are always generous and giving.

You stayed humble despite the title.

And even helped a lot of people reach for their dreams.
You are a Captain in his humble sail.

But what will I miss the most? 

The way you tell stories and jokes, and the times we laugh out loud.

The sarcasm in every story.

The sound in your voice I will forever carry.

I feel heartbroken because we lost you this way.

It's hard to let you go so easily..

I never got the chance to thank you for all the help you showered our family,

and the happiness you bring whenever you are home.

I never got the chance to treat you for something you would love to have.

I don't know until when the pain will be gone.

It might take a while..

But I will definitely miss you.

You will forever be the second father

in a reserve place in my heart. ♡

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Happy Sailing in heaven Tito!

I will miss you so much! 💔

06/05/2020

Dear Self

Looking back...

When I was 10, all I think of is to be good in school. I need to have good grades to show to Papa so that he'll be happy and usually, I get a prize for that. Papa was working abroad and we usually write him letters to update him on how things are going here. Mama was the one who was there for me. She goes with me to school and attend to all the things I need. She was supportive and always pushed me to be at my best but never pressured me. I have few friends in school too. I was leaving like a normal 10 year old who want to be good for her parents.

When I was 20, I was very determined to graduate. Life has not been so easy for us. All I want is to graduate and work immediately. I want to provide for my family. I was looking forward that Mama will just stay at home with Papa and enjoy everything I can give them.

I also started serving in the church. This is something I have been wanting to do, but don't have the confidence to start with. But God has called me to serve and I am happy I listened and went for it. 

At 20, I was also curious about love. I felt that I am already in the right age to explore love and be loved in return. So, I was brave enough to discover it. I had my first boyfriend.

Today, I am 30. I feel old. But nevertheless, I have learned so many things about life. I discover more things about my self and my capacity to handle things. I always try to be the better version of myself just as what God has want me to be.

I learned to open myself more. The introvert girl in me is still there but she is learning to weight things and to whom to put her trust with. I needed to open my mind to understand things more. And when you do, you will hurt less. Understanding that things happen for a reason may be an understatement, but  it is about trusting in God's plans for you. I also learn to be contented. Big or small, be thankful. It may be different from what others have achieved, but still, God has blessed us. We should never compare.  Trust in God's perfect timing.

And in love, don't be fooled with being inlove. It is not in the years of being together. Learn when to stop. And don't forget to love yourself too. Don't lose yourself in the relationship. You know what you deserve and don't be sorry about that. You need someone who knows how to value your worth.

I will write again to my 40 year old self in 10 years time. I hope, I make her proud of what the years will mold me. And by that time, I do hope I have someone with me to share life too. Just a happy life.

Celebrating it today was different, because we are on a global pandemic. It is hard to enjoy when there is a lot of things happening around. I worry with a lot of things in my mind. But trusting to God, is our hope that things will get better, and soon, things will be back to normal.

Dear self, Happy 30th! ❤

Everything will be better soon. And someone out there will find you. He will love and value your worth. You will be happy. Mama and Papa will be okay, and you will make them proud. Just trust in God's plans and His perfect timing.

Love,
Jazel ♡

30 ♡

God says.. "Prepare yourself. I am about to take you to another level of your life." ♡ 30

God is the reason why even in pain, I smile, in confusion, I understand, in betrayal, I trust and in fear, I continue to fight.

Thank you to all those who remember today. ♡

Yup, I loss 4kilos during ECQ. 🤗

Love,
Jazel ⚘
05.23.2020

For Mama

If I was only brave enough to tell the world my story, I would shout it out aloud for everyone to hear. But my story wasn't the typical one, I'm afraid I might hurt other people by telling this secret. But nevertheless, I am proud that I went through all these things and the person I have become with Mama's love and guidance.

I am loved. So much. ❤

I will be forever grateful to God for sending me to my parents. 

For Mama -

She had spent all her time taking care for me. Attending to my needs and wants and been so supportive of whatever I like. There were turn of events when she needed to work, and she did it. I saw how much sacrifice she had to take to make things easy for me. All the hardship she went through just to send me to school. I have seen all of those. It was heart breaking and heartwarming at the same time. It warms my heart because I know how much I am loved, and it breaks too because I've seen her do everything even things were difficult. I never heard her complain though I know she's in pain and tired. She still does it for me.

When things get better at home and when I finally got a job, I tried to make it  up with her. But I never heard her asked anything from me. She was contented. She is happy with the simple things, nothing grand. She never asked for more. She never obliged me for anything. A simple ice cream is happiness to her already.

I am no perfect daughter to deserve such selfless mother. She has so much love for me. Though we aren't expressive in saying all the sweet words, I feel everything of it, love is overflowing. Love as act of service is more than what words can say.

I don't know what else to say, she is more than anything in this world. A treasure I don't know ever exist. Something I will forever be thankful for.

In this life, I know I should know the truth, but for such reasons, I rather not know the story. I am more than contented of what I have, I have Mama. I am more than blessed to deserve someone like her. I am forever grateful that she had accepted me and much more. No one can ever replace her. Her love for me is incomparable. And I wish nothing else but her happiness in this world. Her comfort. Her simple joys.

What I am today is because of her, my achievements - it's hers. She lived by an example hard to reach. She will always be my inspiration to be best in whatever I do. A model of not just being a good person but a good mother in the future. A mother whose love is not measured by blood, but of how big is her heart. Selfless. Full of love and forgiveness. A love much to give and overflowing. That is her. She wants nothing more but her child's comfort and happiness.

I love you Ma! ❤

Thank you for loving me with no hesitations nor conditions. I will forever be thankful to God for you.

Huwag mong sosolohin. Di ka mag-isa ♡

A post was caught me in twitter. I rarely comment or reply, but when I read it, I just felt like replying to it and I was happy I did. I've been emotional for the past few days and that post seems like talking to me that very moment. Maybe it is the message I wanna hear. And suddenly, I felt someone just comforted me. Like a warm hug that says, "I got you" and "you have nothing to worry about". You know who post it or what is the post about? Hmmm..

It was a tweet from Ben&Ben..

Yup, another one from Ben&Ben caught me speechless. Remember the last time, I was listening to their playlist and I was able to write a poem after. Ohh mmmgeeee.. what is this? They already got me. Few days after, I heard these words again in one of their songs. So this is actually lyrics from their song, "Susi" that happened to be a soundtrack of "Goyo: Ang Batang Heneral", a Filipino movie about one of our heroes and great soldier, Heneral Gregorio del Pilar. So this is not a love song after all, but a song of bravery and strength.

The verse goes like..

Balikan kung bakit ba nagsimula

Bago mo sabihin na ayaw mo na

Huwag mong sosolohin

Di ka mag-isa

Ikaw pa rin ang susi sa takbo ng iyong tadhana.

And I don't know but it made me reply, "Ang hirap kimkimin ang lahat. Andoon sa isang sulok at umiiyak." Wow, it even rhyme unexpectedly. And you know what, that is exactly how I felt. I was alone, and feeling everthing on my shoulders and I can't do anything but be in a corner and cry. Somewhere where no one can see or hear me. But here is Ben&Ben, saying not to keep it from myself and that I am not alone. Very very timely. As if it was God's indirect way of saying to me that I have Him. *goosebumps*

I do pray. A lot actually. But there are these moments in our lives that things get heavy and we have no one to shared it with. It is also in my personality to keep things with myself. It was hard. It is always a struggle. But let us remember to seek to Him when everything seems to be heavy to carry. He may not physically be there but trusting him will make the load lighter.

"Huwag mong sosolohin. Di ka mag-isa." ♡