Para sa Kaibigang Iniwan ng Walang Dahilan

Hindi ko alam kung paano
at hindi ko din alam kung bakit?
Bakit ka ba dumadalaw sa
panaginip ko ng paulit ulit?

Ano bang nangyari?
Hindi na ikaw ung dati...
Ung dating kaibigan ko..
Ung dating andyan para pakinggan ako.

Masakit para sa akin na mawala nalang ang lahat ng ganoon kadali.
Masakit para sa akin na makalimutan mo nalang ang lahat sa isang saglit.

Oo.. marahil ay minahal kita ng higit pa kesa sa isang kaibigan,
Pero tinanggap ko na hanggang doon nalang un at ako'y nanatiling andiyan.

Kasama mo sa lahat ng kalokohan.
Kadamay sa lahat ng kalungkutan,
Kasangga sa lahat ng laban,
Tinulungan sa lahat ng babaeng iyong niligawan,
Nanatiling iyong kaibigan kahit nasasaktan.

Alam kong, walang tayo.
Sinubukan kong kalimutan ang aking nararamdaman,
para  isalba ang ating pagkakaibigan.
Pero anong nangyari?
Bakit sa dulo'y mawawala ka din.

"Bestfriend", yan ang sabi mo sa akin.
Pero bakit tayo ngayon ganito?
Ako'y isang ordinaryong tao nalang na hindi na saklaw ng mundo mo.
Anong nagawa kong masama?
Anong nangyari't naglaho nalang bigla?
Hindi ako nakalimot bumati sa lahat ng okasyon,
Pero seensoned lang ang lahat  ng iyon.
Ni walang "hi" or "hello" or "kumusta" man lamang.
Anong nangyari sa "Bes" na ating noo'y tawagan?

May pagtatampo ako sa aking puso.
Nasasaktan na ganoon mo nalang ako kadaling nakalimutan,
mula sa lahat ng ating napagdaanan.

Paulit ulit kita napapanaginipan ng walang dahilan.
Pilit ata inaalala ng utak ko ang nakaraan,
Hinahanap hanap ang noo'y aking kaibigan.
Ung makakausap ko't mapagkwekwentuhan,
at dadamay  sa malungkot kong dinaramdam.

Ngayon'y ay bumubuo ka na ng sarili mong pamilya.
Gusto ko maging masaya para sa'yo.
kahit ako'y patuloy na nagtatampo.
Sana, isang araw, masagot ang lahat ng mga tanong ko
at bumalik ang dating KAIBIGAN na nakilala ko.

A DREAM I KNOW WILL NEVER HAPPEN

I woke up today with a dream I know will never happen.

Why do we still dream of someone who is already out of our lives? I mean, yes, you are friends, but there was no a "hi-hello" thing or anything that keeps you connected. Yes. he was once important to you and treat you as the best-est friend ever, but then everything was gone. As much as I want to think that he is still there for me, I know everything is different now.

I dreamt of him, giving me a bouquet of flowers on my birthday which is few days from now. 

Very impossible I know. He don't even know how to say "hi". He don't message me. We don't talk nor see each other anymore. He won't even like or react to any of my FB post. I never felt his presence from a long time now. I have greeted him during the holidays (Christmas & New Year) but there was no reply. I greeted him on his birthday and sent him a very long message, and I actually don't remember his reply as it was as short as it was.

This is not to say that he was a bad person or a bad friend. I know that he recognizes the things I did and been doing until now. I just miss him. I actually miss telling him everything and expressing myself. I miss talking to him. I guess, I just needed someone to talk to right now.

He was my high school best friend (as what he said). He has been my constant listener and adviser. But when you got busy, meet new people in life and found your love story, you've gone to leave some friends behind your new found happiness. I guess that is the reason why everything was different now.

I have been into a lot the past days and weeks. I am trying to be okay. To divert all the sadness and loneliness into happiness. I have gone watching a movie, cut my hair short and even went out of town with friends. But no matter how happy I have felt, at the end of the day before I sleep, I know that there is something missing.

In a few days, will be my birthday and nothing really to expect, especially now. And to dream that your ONCE supposed to be guy-bestfriend will give you flowers on your birthday is just an imagination. I haven't received a bouquet my entire life, much more from someone I wasn't able to talk nor saw for a long time now. But why did I dreamt of him? So, what does this dream implies now?

That dreams are opposites of what will happen in reality..

I guess...